A Chilling Saturday


I had to make an extra effort to wake up at 9am even though the previous night I slept before 11pm. Perhaps, it was the cooling morning or my rare day without work that made me feel so reluctant to leave my warm and comfortable bed. Anyway, I did 20 crunches at one go, packed my room and prepared a pail of water so that I could clean my floor after my run. After a week of not running – been packed with activities on my non-tuition nights, I felt more tired than my usual run. Despite of that, I ran a longer distance. ^^ Yea, after my run, I cleaned my room and washed my common toilet’s basin and toilet bowl. =D

After my refreshing bathe and a not so appetising breakfast, I walked to Queenstown Library to borrow some books for myself and mum. Upon reaching there, I learnt that the library will only be opened at 2pm and it was only 1pm. o.o Therefore, I decided to make a trip to Orchard Road to buy my black dress by walking to a bus stop that required me to walk for 15minutes. The blazing sun made my walk a grumpy one. If you could read my mind, you would surely find me very irritating. Ha ha. That was how much I grumbled. =/

After waiting for what seemed like eternity, the bus finally came but I could not board it because it was too full. =( Anyway, I saw an ex-colleague but did not manage to greet her because I did not feel like doing so and she did not see me anyway. = p Seeing her answered a question of mine. I decided to walk back to Queenstown Library when the bus did not come by 1.45pm.
Upon reaching home, I had to carry out my mission – bring food to my sis’s hostel. The amount of things – 9 packets of drinks, 5 apples, 2 packets of rice, 6 slices of bread, 1 box of cake and 4 packets of biscuits – that I had to carry worsen my mood. =/ The journey to her hostel was definitely a torture. What to do? I am being a sweet and good sis, eh? =p Ha ha ha.

I ate my dinner with her and found some songs for my HP. I left there at about 5.40pm to travel to Illuma for ‘My Sister’s Keeper’ with Jet. Ha. Both of us were quite late but still in time to buy tickets and have to get into the cinema in 5minutes’ time.

It was a movie of how powerful love can be. This little girl was created (test-tube baby) to save her sis who was having leukaemia by donating blood substance (can’t find a better term to describe) to her sis and whenever she did, she would be in pain. Blah blah blah. Watch it yourselves! =D I wonder if something similar occurs in real life. Anyway, I tear a lot during the show. It has been quite some time since I last tear this much during a show.

After which, we headed to Orchard to get my black dress. The thought had been haunting me since Thursday when I saw it with Alex. I only bought their top as I thought that the design was really unique and I liked it immediately when I saw it. =D For the dress wise, I thought that I did not look as good as what Alex and the two staff described and could not find any reason/occasion wearing it. On the next day, I told two colleagues about it and they encouraged me to buy. On the very day, Alex tried to convince me by saying that I could wear it for dates, dinner, etc. When I saw sis, she encouraged me to buy by saying $29 is the usual/normal price for a dress. Anyway, before I bought it, I wore it for Jet to see and he thought I looked good too. Perhaps, I expect too much from myself therefore I thought I looked really ordinary in it. All right, I am still training hard for a better figure. =D

Jet brought me to ‘Toast Box’ at Wisma. Gosh. I liked it instantly especially when we were sitting next to the window where we could see part of the Orchard Road clearly. It was so beautiful with the Christmas decoration and rain. A really good place to chill out at, eh? ^^

Bad dreams


I had bad dreams last night. This time round, I dreamt of people who hurt me and whom I hope not to see for the rest of my life. I thought that I was doing fine but it is just an illusion.

A while ago, a colleague said that she wants to introduce me to one of her male friends.

Recently, my colleagues would try to matchmake to their friends or anyone they know.

I came out with some reasons for their doings.

1. I look like I am ready for marriage.
2. I look like I am desperate to get a boyfriend.
3. I am good enough to be their friends’ girlfriend.
4. I still look very sad.
5. I look lonely
6. (Can’t think of any other reason)

Haha. Nevertheless, I think that it is fun to do so. No harm making more friends, right? At the moment, I am not looking for one due to many reasons like no much free time and not having much faith in guys (Hahaha. Sorry to all guys who read this).

Refreshed Tuesday


Ha. Refreshed? I was so tired last night that I slept before 11am. Therefore, I felt rather great this morning. ^^

Work was fine but very busy. I had so much to do that I still have a lot of work undone. Now, I am more convinced that work will never be completed in a day.

Anyway, during the break, I was so surprised to see someone’s email (reply) that it made me smile! Yesterday, I was a little down and needed some getaway so I tried my luck by emailing him when he is in Australia now. Well, he has not contacted him since the day he left here so I thought that he did not have any internet access.

After work, a colleague and I went to do pedicure! It was my first time doing it and thought that it was a little ticklish when the manicurist tried to remove my dead/dried skin. I chose two different shades of bright pink and glittering circles as the coat for my toes. I really liked it as I thought that it looked nice on me. ^^ It cost me $26.40. My generous colleague actually let me use her package so that it will be cheaper. =) More importantly, the aftereffect is so different from what I have done on my toes/nails. =/

I thought that I would smile upon seeing my pay being credited into my account but I did not as the total amount in my bank account is not the desired amount I wanted to see! The worse is, I still have to wait till mid of next month before seeing the desired amount. =(

Anyway, today is my mask day again! I used the chocolate flavoured mask. Yes, it smelt nice but I felt that it would not work that well. Perhaps, it is due to its strong chocolate smell. My face is so smooth once again! =D No, correction, it should be smoother than usual. =p

I think I will be sleeping right after my three sets of crunches. Tell me why am I so tired? Blah. Another tuition session tomorrow. Yes, for the sake of my school fees and expenses, I will continue to press on. But, I am really so, so tired. =(









The thought of you brings tears.......

Many, many smiles


This morning was not so great as I felt really so tired and hoped to sleep a little longer. Once I reached the office, I made myself a cup of hot green tea to perk myself up a little.

Work was great with little mistakes. Lunch was even better because I had it with a colleague who shared half of her delicious and nutritious soup which was cooked by her son, with me. I am so blessed with nice colleagues and friends loving and treating me well, eh? ^^ Oh ya. I drank a packet of slimming tea today. Two packets of it were left behind by an ex-colleague. I thought it was fun so I gave it a try. It tasted terrible. >.< But anyway, I still finished it because I did not want to waste it. =D

Anyway, I came across a song on someone’s blog and decided to listen. I fell in love with it the moment I heard it. Most importantly, the girls are so pretty, with nice expressions and have sweet voice. In fact, I loved all their songs. If you realize, they have nice lips too. Ha. There, I started telling someone about them having kissable lips - in my opinion. I hope that my male readers will not start to fantasize about kissing them after reading this part. =x





If you ask me for the definition of kissable lips, I will say that my definition is…erm… weird. I will first look at the teeth. I will be turned off if any tooth is black or grayish (shows that you have bad hygiene practice)or if your teeth are badly arranged (Am I using the right description to describe the teeth? Also, I am sorry if you do not have nice set of teeth because this is only my thought). Secondly, he must be someone whom I love. I cannot imagine kissing someone whom I have no feelings for. Thirdly, no bad breath. Hahahaha. Sounds like I am very experienced? Neh~ I am very innocent, all right? =D


Okay, I guess I have no rights to be so choosy. I do not have kissable lips (hahahaha) because I think the colour is too dark to the extent that they look grayish at times. I do not really like my eyes and ears because they are too small and big respectively. =/ My nose is acceptable and so is my complexion (not when I am 1cm away from a mirror =p). I love my dimples most. =D I have the height but not the figure. Perhaps, I do not really like how I look, huh. Did I say that I already thought of doing plastic surgery when I was still a primary school student? Blah. How many times have I talked about my looks on this blog and how many times have people tried convincing me that I am not ugly? I am very stubborn, huh? Yes, I realized that I am. =)

Today was my last time seeing a colleague because next Saturday will be her last day and I do not work on Saturday. When we were on the cab, I asked her if she would miss working here. She did not think that she would but she would miss a few colleagues like me! =D That made me smile but I pretended to be nonchalant about it. =/ Ha. I am very good at doing it. =p

I will miss her too because she was like my last colleague from my batch. The rest of them just joined us not too long ago. When I first met her, I really thought that she disliked me but after asking around, I got to know that she would be unfriendly to strangers. Gosh. When the call center first started, there were only two people on duty on weekends. It was so awkward to be working with her because she was so quiet. In order to ease the situation, I came up with many topics to talk about. As such, it did solve the problem and she even took the initiative to talk to me. =D


To sum up, I had a great Sunday! ^^

Emotional week


For the whole of today, I just felt like crying. I automatically woke up before 6am and sent out a message that I prepared before I slept.

In the morning, I did my usual stuff slower than most mornings. I was so slow that when I looked at my HP clock, it indicated 8.30am and I should and must leave my house at 8.25am. I walked so fast that I reached the bus stop at 8.33am. Anyway, I was only late for 5minutes which was so lucky of me!

Work was better today but I was so tired.

I think that the highlight of today is, the maid actually asked me why her sis cannot call her HP. After checking, I told her that her pre-paid card’s value is running low. Before she left the room (my tutee was in the toilet), she told me not to tell any of the family members as she would get scolding from them. =/ Poor thing! My heart goes to foreigners who leave/left their hometown and all their family members and work in a foreign country. I think that they are so brave! However, at the same time, I can curse and swear at them for snatching some of our jobs and occupying some of the places in polytechnic or universities. Ha. Whatever it is, I will try to give my best in whatever I do.




Three reasons that made me smile today:

1. The trust that my tutee's maid has for me. Once, she even entered the room just to show me
her family photos. It was mixed feelings.

2. There is an application in FB asking questions like if you had never met… how it would be or
what is… dream’s job. A colleague actually posted, “no jokes from blur queen @ work to
laugh... hahaha” I did not know that my silly acts are regarded as their jokes too.

3. A friend actually said that I am one of his friends whom he missed when he was in camp.
Actually, when he was telling me that he missed his friends, the first thought that came to my
mind was, “I doubt that I was being missed” but he did. =D



Wishing that I will stop feeling for once because it hurts so much...

Something to ponder on



I had a very bad day at work because I got shouted at for making a mistake that I did not realize and never being told over the past three months. At that moment, I was in shock. I was never heard. Am I really so insignificant and untrustworthy that I am not heard when I really want and hope to? Maybe I am not clear enough in my explanation but I did read everything to the candidates. I really mean everything and even gave explanation so how can it be not detailed? Maybe that is how that place works. When someone makes a mistake, pride is not taken into consideration. I can never forget the detail of the email that was being sent to everyone when a staff made a mistake for the first time. Maybe what is more surprising about the today’s matter is, I was being shouted at by someone whom I adore and respect. Sorry to say that I may have changed my opinion from that moment onwards.

Today marked the second time I cried in the office due to how I was being treated. Something I did different was, I walked out of the office and cried.

I thought I was doing fine and that I could stay there and do my part time degree next year but I think that I may have to take my words back.

Or, is that how the world works? If it is so, I am more disappointed than I ever have about the world.

In spite of all, I am still going to list down the three things that made me smile today.



1. The sight of Xinyu (the girl whom my mum babysits) because I have not seen her for quite some time and I really miss her a lot.

2. I had my subway treat – a reward for finishing six subway cookies during the office hour – from by colleague.

3. The moment my boss passed my payslip to me.

Stuck with thoughts


Lately, I have been feeling more emotional than usual and the culprit must be my period that is coming soon. =/ I am feeling sad and empty all over again. I cannot wait for November to come as I will not be giving tuition for about three weeks as requested by my tutee’s dad. It is good news to me and I will use the extra time to go for my run when I have no plans on that particular day. Well, the rainy season is nearing so it will be wiser to run while I can. I think I will start going to the library more often during the rainy season to past time. Anyway, it is really very relaxing to read while sitting at the side of the window where you can see the rain falling. =)


I am falling in love with the rainy season.

Does it contradict my sunshine character? But, the question is, when am I one?



The three reasons :D
1. Seeing my new colleague. I miss Joanne Chua! =/
2. Had a nice ramen for lunch. =D
3. Went for my 15mins run after work. Sounds crazy?




May I ask how have you been?

A Superb Saturday


I started my Saturday well! I slept at 10.30pm last night as I had nothing much on hands and were feeling tired. I woke up at about 8.45am, did ten sit-ups and went for a fifteen minutes run. It was a refreshing run as I was dripping with sweat after that. It must the doing of the blazing sun too. Did I tell you that I am determined to slim down after being told that I look fatter? =/ That sentence really does make me feel that I have grown fatter too. Sigh.

For some reason, I had a sudden urge to clean my room and wash my house’s common toilet (basin, toilet bowl and floor). It really gave me a great sense of achievement after seeing that they are much cleaner now. The bathe I had after that made me feel that I had not had such an enjoyable and refreshing one for a long, long time. =D Oh. The technician came and solved my internet issue. The problem was due to my service provider again! >.<

Anyway, I went to the call center to work as it is double pay today! =D Moreover, the working hours is 6hours shorter compared to working on a Sunday. After work, my colleague and I decided to cab to Kallang MRT station today since the company said that each taxi ride is claimable up to $15. How could I not smile when it was such a comfortable ride to a station nearer to my home and I was able to save more on my transport fare? =)

A kindergarten classmate actually wants me to introduce a job to his sis who has just completed her ‘N’ level. When I gave him my company email address, he confirmed it with me again to ensure that it belongs to mine. Reason being, he wants his sis’s resume to be in my hands as he has bad experience with some recruiters so he does not want the same thing to happen to sis. It really made me smile as he trusts me. ^^ Wait, I mean it is a good feeling to be trusted by others. =)

The void.

Internet is down again!


For the past two days, I slept much earlier than usual and had good solid hours of sleep. =D How long have I not experienced that? My days have been good and I have not been lazy to write my “three things that make me smile” to keep myself going. They are still in my hand phone.

Anyway, it seems like I have been given extra time for myself. Recently, I have been thinking of doing a Part-Time Degree in HR if I can’t get into social work. If it really happens, I will continue my full time job and forgo my two part time jobs. I think that I will be okay because if I am able to do my two part time jobs but why not three hours of lessons for two nights in a week. Well, nothing is confirmed and I hope that everything is based on my decision but not by others especially people whom I think have been hurting and not given me much support all this while.

A colleague challenged me to eat six subway cookies in a day and the reward is a subway meal. =p People who know me well will know that this is very easy for me. I ate four cookies in two hours and two more to go. ^^

Anyway, I can only come online on Saturday because I am only available on Saturday for the technician to come. This will be the third time already! Oh my god. >.<



The presence of emptiness...Being forbidden to tear for the same reason. It is hard though not as hard but I will still try because I...

Three things that make ME smile!



Here it goes:


1. I finished the task that I set for myself. =) It is still a mystery but I really hope that it can make someone happy.


2. After more than 6months of working at the call center, my supervisor finally gave me the permission to take a taxi from Eunos MRT station (that is the nearest to my home and office) to my office and vice versa and I started doing it today. =D This arrangement is so much better for me because I am a lazy person. Therefore I do not really like going to Outram MRT and change to another MRT. =/


3. I have not shed a single drop of tears for at least 3 days and am going to continue working hard to be happy.

I just found out another couple just broke up when I thought that they would last till marriage. I felt sad for them even though I do not know them in person. I started reading the girl (a friend’s friend)’s blog when she was 17 and found it interesting so I continue reading it till now. Gradually, it seems like I know her in person. By the way, she is as young as me. Which couple is next? What is wrong with people now? Why do they break up due to really minor matters? =(

Three things that make ME smile!



Here it goes:


1. I had a craving for chicken rice so I actually went to Queenstown Market to have it after work. For now, I think it is the best chicken rice I know of. ^^ Initially, I had the intention to borrow books on Social Work from Queenstown Library. Therefore, I had to go to the National Library to read it. Ha. My office is really near to Bugis and I made a trip back to Queenstown and back to Bugis again. Anyway, I bought Chocolate Milk Tea from Queenstown MRT and that big cup only cost me $1.50! =D


2. I found some books related to social work and even topics on what I wanted to read! I was quite glad to see topics related to social work for prisoners/criminals. I may even consider doing it at hospitals – I am mentally prepared for the life and death of my clients too. I still have three solid months to consider whether or not I want this as my career. In fact, this will be a tough journey for me because I am positive that people whom I yearn support for, will object me for doing this. Wouldn’t life be boring if you are doing things for the sake of being successful in life? No, this is not what I am looking for. I cannot imagine myself wearing a business suit and conducting major meetings with clients and subordinates. Yes, I cannot deny that I hope to be successful and reasonably rich in life but having a career that is meaningful is more important to me. Anyway, I still have a lot to consider for, like meeting really difficult people, expressing myself and dealing with people. I am really, really glad to have supportive friends! =)


3. I bought a blusher that suits my skin tone! ^^ Is it a bad thing that I am getting more vain? o.O I have more and more beauty products! = p Ho ho.

Three things that make ME smile!



Here it goes:


1. It is finally end of the tough week that I am going through! I think that the toughest thing of this week is the four lessons I had to give after my work. Luck has never been on my side to give me obedient students. =/ Nevertheless, I am really proud of Lim Chu Er who has been able to persevere till today! ^^


2. I had a great lunch today. I decided to buy a side dish which I really hoped to try which was BBQ pork with sesame seeds and rice. I brought soup from home as I could not finish my breakfast this morning. The soup contained cabbage, carrot, pork, button mushrooms and sea cucumber and it was really delicious! =) This explains why I only bought one side dish with rice. I usually try to maintain the cost at about $2 so that I will have money for the things that I really want to buy.


3. Today is mask day! I am still having my mask on my face while typing this entry. It is Cherry Blossom mask today and has the strongest smell compared to the two other masks that I tried. I hope that my complexion can be better or remain the same when I hit 30. =p Actually, I hope that my complexion can be better. Am I too greedy? =/

Three things that make ME smile!



Here it goes:


1. We had a nice KFC meal today because it is a colleague’s birthday tomorrow so she actually gave the whole company a treat. How long have I not have KFC? It could have tasted better if the food was warmer and arrived much earlier for us to eat. Anyway, I am still grateful to have the treat. ^^


2. My nice colleagues actually uploaded the pictures into Facebook already. There are so many nice photos! =D


3. I am quite glad that I got through today despite the fact that I am extremely tired today due to the lack of sleep. Kudos Chu Er!

*A LONG BIG YAWN* Good night world~

Three things that make ME smile!



Here it goes:


1. My candidate was so surprised and happy that she got shortlisted for an assignment that she said, “Oh my God” and “Really” for at least 2 times. Ha. It made me laugh so hard too. Most candidates actually take us for granted. I felt really happy for her. ^^

2. My colleagues and I went for the company dinner. It is a nice feeling to put work aside and enjoy together. It was like a big group friends going out. I think I was still not that comfortable going out with a big group of people. Anyway, we still had a lot of laughter! =) I think the food was not fantastic and believe that we paid $36 because of the ambience and location.

3. Today was my first time to clubbing. Yes, only when I am going to turn 21 in less than 4months' time! It was still very early when we reached there so it was rather difficult to judge whether I liked the environment. Anyway, I found it okay and saw some cute guys. Ha.




Today, there were three people thought that I am already 22 when I am only 20. =/ I think I am quite used to people saying that I look older than my actual age so I did not feel that hurt anymore. =)





I thought I saw you but only to realise that it was just an illusion and it brought tears....

Three things that make ME smile!



Here it goes:


1. We were able to send out more resumes than requested within 2hours. =) It had not been an easy day for us as our manager was not in to settle small and big issues that came to us. I felt that I was more confused than usual. Anyway, I think the spirit of teamwork was great! ^^

2. The company dinner that we are going tomorrow will only cost $36 instead of $42 or even more because my boss decided to go so that she can use her HSBC credit card to help us get the discount.^^ As such, I can save more money! After joining this company, I spend 10times more money than I ever had in my life. =/ I will take it that I am taking a short break from studies so the amount I spend now is like a reward for working hard as a student for the past 13years. = p Like real. Ha


3. My tutee actually praised me that I looked nice in my tube top. It made me smile because she hardly praises me. She usually criticizes me, that is, giving negative remarks. =/ Oh. She actually waited for me at her void deck. Her grandma told me that she (my tutee) said she must wait for me at the void deck. Well, it was quite sweet of her. =)




On the 26th of Sept, Sis and I went to ION Orchard for the Swensen 1-for-1 Ice cream buffet. I will not go again unless there is another such offer because it is quite expensive to spend about $20 for that buffet.










Beloved sunflowers and I! =D



Sunflowers and US! ^^

Three things that make ME smile!



Here it goes:

1. I made a stranger smile. ^^ What happened was, I actually spoke and laughed very loudly (like again) in the lift over something which I cannot recall. So, my manager started to say, “Bu yao jiang hua na mo da shen!” and laughed at the same time over what I said or how I laughed (whichever). She told me not to speak so loudly. Ha. That is us! Somehow, it made me laugh even more and I saw the stranger smile too.


2. Tution went pretty well today as there was very little distraction. My guess is, she enjoyed the shape lesson we had today. =) Well, we cannot have the same lesson everyday.


3. When my colleague announced that she already had my tube top that I ordered, it made me smile. At first, I was a little disappointed with the material and colour but I changed my mind when I tried it at home. I thought that it is not that bad afterall. =)



Wishing that x'mas is coming soon.

Three things that make you smile



In order to help myself recover, I will make an effort to write down three things that make me smile at the end of each day. Research has shown that it can lift one’s mood.


Here it goes:

1. A colleague thought that my dress looks nice on me. (I often worry that my clothes will attract negative feedbacks from people. Therefore, she made me smile. ^^)

2. An ex-classmate, Afiq talked to me on MSN today which was quite surprising because I have not heard from him after knowing that he passed his math re-test. We updated each other on each other’s life. CEDRICK! He will be attending your 21st birthday party! So, I do not have to bring any present to your party, right? =p

3. I found the drama “Full House” on an online streaming website. Ha. I just thought of watching it again because I remember it as a sweet drama and want to experience it. I remember my literature teacher telling me that every time you read a story or watch a move or drama again, it will give you a new experience. Anyway, I watched that show when I was still 15. After 5years, I believe that I will think differently of that show.



Trust me, it is not that easy to list down three things but I did. Way to go! =)

Get out, agony!



I had a day of fun at the Escape Themepark. Like what the name suggests, it is like a place for me to escape from the reality and hurt I have been facing.

If not of the $8/person coupon, I would not be going there because it is not worth it to pay $17+ for each ticket. I was quite disappointed as there were only five stations for me to play. o.o The rocking boat made me scream and laugh like nobody’s business. (Please don’t imagine how I scream because it may turn you deaf. =p) I totally love it anyway. (AHHHHHHHHHHHH! It was like screaming all my agony out.)

Oh. There was this station called "Haunted". Well, it reminded me of something again. Blah. Whatever. Anyway,I persuaded Cedrick to go in when he did not want to. When we were almost inside, I pulled him out as I thought it was very scary. =/ Yes, I admit that I am a coward. =/

There was a station that required me to drive a car (not a real one, of course). I was so scared especially after Cedrick telling me that the car was operated on a real engine so you cannot bang against it. Therefore I took the advice and drove the car very slowly and carefully. I was so slow that when I returned from the second lap, everyone was already waiting for me and I still had another lap to go. Gosh. How embarrassing. I never knew driving is so scary. =/


After which, we went to Changi Airport to have our Popeye meal and it was my first time eating it. =D I thought that it was quite a nice meal and had not had a meal filled with fried food with no vegetables for a long, long time. Not that I miss it but rather, I am not a big fan of fried food. Then, we walked around Changi Airport for a cosy place to rest and chat. Well, we did not have the best place but was good enough though. Actually, Changi Airport is a nice place to chill at especailly when the rainy season is here soon. =)

When passing by a MRT station which was once a familiar one, I tried very hard to pretend that it was just another station. I know that I need much more time to get over it for, I am Chu Er, someone who lacks confident and is very sentimental, stubborn, emotional and not so strong at heart.


Anyway, I will be very busy this week as I will be giving tuition on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday and going to my company dinner on Wednesday. =( I will press on and stay strong no matter how hard it will be.


This is for myself, my future and people who love and care for me. =)




A very heartwarming, sweet and cute video. I LOVEEEE his voice. Check it out!




A video about your partner. Something that I begin to lose belief in when I used to think that to be in love is a beautiful thing and look forward to that. Not at the moment though.

A quick entry



I will try to type it fast. Whether or not I can finish it, I will still post it.


I had another nightmare last night that is the worst since that incident. I woke up having bad stomachache, feeling very weak, had diarrhoea and felt like vomiting.

Well, the nightmare is about someone whom I want yet do not want to see. In that dream, I found out that that someone was horrible and irresponsbile person and could still remember that I was going through every single bit of the events.

No, I seriously doubt that that someone is a horrible and irresponsible person.



Stop haunting me because it is tearing me apart.

Fabulous Friday!



It had been a busy yet great day because I had about four interviews today. The more interviews I have, the happier I am because it means that my time will pass by much faster. And also, my manager will have lesser time to stress me to source for more candidates for the assignments. =p

The freelance IT assistant that my company hired to solve our hardware and software issues came today. GOSH. Before that, my boss kept promoting him to me. She said that he is a very nice guy, only 25 years old and already gotten his degree. Laugh out loud. When he came, my boss AND manager tried to introduce me to him that I wanted to go into hiding. I felt so shy. No, in fact, both of us felt so shy. Maybe I felt shyer than he. In the end, both he and I did not manage to talk to each other. I cannot deny that he looks like a nice guy. No harm knowing a new friend, eh? Well, we were too shy to talk to each other. Perhaps, he did not want to know me since I am so loud in my company. =/ It was my third time seeing him.

At 4.30pm, I knocked off from work because my manager and I needed to set off to deliver mooncakes to her client. ^^ However, unsurprisingly, we only left at 4.45pm because my manager always has too much unfinished work to do. *shrug*

I finally met up with those clients whom I always hear over the phone or even see their names when my candidates’ resumes are sent to them. I was even more excited to meet the VP of HR because his voice is very soothing over the phone. Anyway, to my disappointment, he was not the hunk I always imagined but an uncle (but more handsome and younger than my dad. =p) My manager embarrassed me (again) by telling him that I am always excited when I hear his voice. ROAR. How many times must she embarrass me today? =/ We were on the 40th floor (not the highest floor though) of the building and that VP showed us the good view of the F1 track. Actually, I did not feel that comfortable seeing or knowing anything to do with F1 because it reminded me of something which I try very hard not to recall. Sigh. Well…

Anyway, all the deliveries were done slightly before 6pm so I was able to head down to my tutee’s house much earlier. It also means that I could leave her house earlier. =D Yea. I left there at least 20minutes than usual. ^^

Although I still feel the emptiness and sadness in me, I did not feel like crying for the whole of today. This is a good way to end the last working day of the week, isn’t it? ^^

I will be happier if I am being missed for a tiny winy bit, really.

Wrong move VS Gullible



I had another encounter on how I should not be soft-hearted. Well, a candidate was supposed to turn up for interview today but he did not. After calling him for several times, he still did not pick up. Until one hour later, he finally called back.

He claimed that he met up with an accident therefore he could not pick up my call just now and I immediately believed him. I even told him to rest well and take his time to call me. He kept apologizing and assured me that he would call back tomorrow. So, how could I not believe him?

After telling the whole story to my manager and colleagues, they felt that I should not believe him.

But, I still insisted on trusting him when they work there much longer than I do. Erm. Wait. Not that he is handsome (which I can’t know since he did not attach his photo to his resume), but through his tone, I felt that he was telling the truth.

Then, a colleague said if let say, my boyfriend broke up with me because of a third party and came back to me on one fine day and apologized, the chance that I would forgive and patch back with him is high. Guess what? I think she is quite right. I am nut. I am hopeless. No matter how many times I am being disappointed and hurt, I still believe that everyone is nice and kind-hearted when many are not at all. How pathetic.


Anyway, for some reason, I felt rather emotional for the whole day. On my way to the tutee’s house, I tried very hard to swallow my tears down.


Once again, some make me feel that I have no rights to feel sad.

Count myself lucky



My office is constructed in a way that it has two levels. I sit at the first level. Today, I reminded myself again that I am being lucky for sitting there as my colleagues and I joke among ourselves everyday. Through a colleague, I realized that I am not the only one making mistakes for my resume. Yes, I know it is not a good way to encourage myself but it just makes me feel a little better. The good thing is, my manager does not criticize when I make mistakes for my resume. But, I always feel very disappointed with myself when being told that I made mistakes like missing out certain information. I can be so disappointed that the desire of giving up my job is so strong but I know that I cannot do so until next July. I will continue to work hard!^^


Anyway, my manager told me to deliver mooncakes to some clients on this Friday with her. Ha. I am secretly happy about it because it means that I will have a shorter day at work. =D Plus, it is a local bank which I have not been to before. ^^ I guess I will be rather excited about the trip because it is my first time doing so. I must remind myself to be more lady-like when I go there. =p

How nice it is if I own a garden filled with sunflowers? It is even nicer if I can receive it from the love of my love. Ha. I am dreaming again! *roll eyes*

As wounds are healed, new wounds are uncovered. Too many words are left unsaid. Too much thoughts are never known. The hurt and pain are unbearable but one day, sunshine will do its justice by coming back.

Absence from the cyber world

Nearly fainted



I have this male candidate who has been looking for jobs for a few months already. Based on his working experience and qualification, he should be able to get a job easily but luck has never been on his side. Finally, he has gotten a job so he has to come down to sign a committment letter. He came and looked for me during my lunch time when I told him to come at 1.15pm.

My manager told me to attend to him and I did. I could not remember how he looks like so I asked, "You are XXX?"

He said, "Ya. You don't remember me ah?"

Me: "Yea. I have not seen you for more than a month already."

He: "Like that ah. I drop by more often lo."

Laugh out loud. Nearly fainted on the spot.

Me: "Erm. No need la. Ha ha."


ROAR. Another weird candidate.

Monday blues


Today had been a very busy day for me to the fact that it seemed like I had been rushing for the whole day. No kidding but I like it because there was very minimal time for unnecessary
thoughts.

Ah. My colleagues helped me to list down a list of criteria of my dream guy. The list goes longer everyday as I meet or see more male candidates. It is quite funny though.


They are (suggested by them):

- The smell must be pleasant to me. (It can really be a turn-off to me if he does not smell nice. All right. Perhaps, I may stink too because sis often says I stink. =/ So, I shall agree that this point of my dream guy is true.)

- Big nose. (Just because I told them that a friend told me that a guy with big nose means that he has a big penis. Ha ha. SO, now they keep insisting that I like guys with big nose because they will have big penis. Please! I mean, I seriously don’t care if the love of my life has big penis. So what if he does? o.O I want to emphasis that I did not make up any of these!)

- I can’t remember the rest for now.=/


My evening at work ended a little not so well because I made mistakes for my resumes again. I really thought it was fine before sending it to my colleague. In the end, she spotted two mistakes from it. =( At that moment, I felt so ashamed and deeply disappointed with myself. Why am I always so muddle-headed and careless? Sigh. I hate it, really.

On my way to tuition, I felt like crying again. I am not too sure whether it was the overwhelming of my work or that matter that made me feel like crying but I just felt like doing so.

Well, there are some reasons that cheer my night up. One of the reasons is Cedrick has Escape vouchers that cost $8/person! GOSH. It is so cheap! I have been asking around for someone to accompany me for years but to no avail. But what, I will be going there soon for the first time in my life! Hee. I always love the roller coaster or just anything that makes me feel like screaming out loud even though I hardly do so. =D


There is another reason that made me smile and thought that it is rather sweet at the same time. Not mentioning anything here though.

Good night world!

Running for my dear life


Once every few months, I would have such a nightmare that requires me to run for my life in my dream.

This time round, I remember that I was running for my life with a guy. I was so frightened that people who were chasing after us would catch up with us. The great thing is, whether I am running alone or with others, the chaser(s) has never caught up with me.

I did some research and realise that the dream shows that I am running away from somebody/something who/which is hurting me in my waking life. I am avoiding it at all cause. I am being advised to confront the chaser(s) when I see him/her/them again so that I will know what I am running away from.

I guess I never enjoy being chased by someone/something because it is scary to me. It has never been a pleasant dream to me. =(


Another nightmare that I sometimes have is to be fallen from a height with fear. It would feel very real. It indicates a lack of control, insecurity, and/or lack of support in your waking life. You may be experiencing some major struggle and/or overwhelming problem. It may denote that you have failed to achieve a goal that you have set forth for yourself.

I guess so too. Sigh.

2 For 1 Swensen buffet + New hairstyle!


Work had been slightly busy today because I had 3interviews today. After which, I went to Chapter 2 which I had already placed an appointment with the hairstylist introduced by Vivian for my haircut. Initially, I only wanted to spend extra money on hair treatment as I was quite reluctant to pay more than $100 for my haircut. But, she tried to persuade me to colour my hair but I said no because I prefer my hair colour. After which, she tried to persuade me to do rebonding because hair treatment does not make a significant difference. Anyway, I gave in by doing soft rebonding – the cheapest one ($144) – and I also added Keratin Oil ($28) for my hair treatment exclusive of GST. I know it sounds crazy!


To summarize a long story, she added some cream on my hair for more than the planned timing and put a machine to heat my hair. After which, another hairstylist washed my hair with shampoo and conditional. Then, she dried my hair with a dryer for at least ten minutes. And, the same procedure was repeated except for drying of my hair because she put Keratin Oil. She washed it away after twenty minutes and dried my hair again. Woah. The hairwash was very comfortable because she helped me to massage my head. ^^By then, more than two hours were gone. Only then, I started my haircut. The only criteria I gave was to have my hair at least touching my shoulders as I really did not want my hair to be too short.

Poor Alex waited for 3hours 15minutes. Didn’t I say that he is my sweetest friend on earth? He was so tired after all the waiting.

Finally, we made our way down to ION orchard for our 2 for 1 Swensen Buffet! Wow. It is really very big. I think Alex was not so happy because I walked in my usual speed – very fast for most people. I guess I should understand because when someone is in a bad mood or feeling tired, everything seems to be moving slowly. Once we saw the queue, Alex had an urge not to queue up. However, once we stepped into the shop and saw the menu, Alex’s mood totally changed!

There were so many ice cream favour, cakes, brownies, toppings and even chocolate and cheese fondue for strawberries and marshmellow! GOSH! How could we resist it? We could not wait to start on any of those!

Once, we actually challenged ourselves (suggested by him)to eat a very sour favour ice cream. GOSH.


I hesitated for a few minutes before putting everything into my mouth.


My first instant expression upon putting everything into my mouth. Cold and sour! OUCH~


See~ Alex was being cocky.


I reckoned that he was acting cool. *roll eyes*



I was trying to exaggerate. Ha.


My new hairstyle!

Under the sunlight! Ah~ This reminds me of sunflowers!


Taken in the toilet. Ho ho.

I like this picture because my eyeliner can be seen! =p

My hair has become so short now but I like it because it seems to be much neater now.



Sis and I will be going there on the last Saturday of this month! Hee.

A better today



I read Cedrick’s blog before I went to work this morning and it made my morning an emotional one. =/ Perhaps, I am not as brave as him.


It was a busy day at work but in a good way. As usual, there is bound to be something funny taken place at my office. My manager told me to call a candidate. After taking a glace at his photo, I was so shocked. I thought he looked quite manly and his name is “Rain” Then, I realized that he is a mixed blood. O.O Woohoo. So, I told the intern student about it and that I am “Sunshine” Ha ha ha. After which, my manager told me to be fiercer to him by saying “I am thunder”. We kept laughing at it till I dared not call him because I might laugh. Anyway, I still had to call. Well, he did not pick up my call after two attempts. Fifteen minutes later, the intern student turned to me and said, “OMG. He sounds so good! He said, “May I know who called? I am Rain” Laugh out loud. I could not stop laughing that I had to try very hard to calm myself down. I think his voice can really blow me off that even “thunder” could not withstand its – erm – charm. Okay. I am crapping. Seriously, I was stumbling through out the conversation that I really wonder if he could understand what I was telling him. Oh. He speaks with a slung.

BUT, I still prefer the “17” guy. =D Now, everyone knows that I keep looking at guys. Well, I tell them that it is my source of motivation, do you believe me?


Well, I have never in a minute forgotten the promise I made so, no, I am just looking at them for a moment of entertainment. Ha. I am not silly but just want to uphold the belief I have. I will wait.


Oh. I told a lie today that made me blush because my whole face felt so hot. My manager had an urgent order so I thought anyone can apply for it. Therefore, I quickly made a phone call to my candidate and I suddenly recalled about the qualification criteria. So, I put the call on hold and asked my manager. To my horror, I can’t try her for it because of her qualification. o.o GOSH. I said, “SHIT. I have to tell a lie.” Sigh. Anyway, I did it but with difficulty because I really do not like to lie unless I really have no choice. =(

After work, I went to my tutee’s house for tuition. While walking to her house, I was fighting the urge to cry because I did not want to smurge my mascara and anyone to see me crying. Well, tears did well up in my eyes. Sigh. Whatever. Anyway, when I saw them at the doorstep, his dad said that the tuition is postponed to next Thursday, not today. So, I told him that the message he sent says it was today. Whatever. I gave a fake smile and walked away after him apologizing. My tutee looked well but not sick at all. Seriously, I wonder what her parents are thinking about. I am quite worried that she will not get promoted to Primary three with her current results. *shake head*



I am still missing school and youuuuuuuuuu. ='(

Another not so joyful update



I am just back home from dinner with dad and mum. My tuition is postponed to tomorrow because she is sick.

Today was a really bad day because I cried in the office. I think I seriously need a cry. I mean, I have been trying hard not to cry for many days and there she went nagging at me again. So, I broke down. I was pissed off with her. I know I should not but I just could not control my tears. I think I am mentally tired. But, I am still going to stay strong for people who really care so much for me all this while. I really love you people!

I seriously can’t bring myself to respect people (boss or even leader) who actually talk behind their staff/members back. Seriously, if you are unhappy with any area, shouldn’t you voice it out instead of expecting your staff/member know about it? This benefits both you and I because none of us is perfect so there is always rooms for improvement. It is totally disgusting that you talk behind your staff/members back and pretend everything is okay. You are a disgrace to our society and show that you have poor leadership quality!

Of course, there is still something positive about today. Like, I interviewed a very attractive looking guy with big eyes, acceptable built and height. The sight of him made me smile uncontrollably but he did not give me the effect which Nat Ho had on me. =p I hope that he will get the position I am trying him for so I can see him again. Oh. In the midst of the interview while my manager was telling him the job scope, I suddenly remembered what Cedrick told me about my perfect match. He told me that I should look out for guys whose birth day falls on the 8th (best match), 17th or 26th. So, I quickly peered at his birth date and smiled because it falls on the 17th. Ha ha ha. I smiled uncontrollably again and quickly stopped as I remembered that he was sitting right in front of me. I am very sure that he caught me smiling. =/ My manager always thinks that I work to look at guys because I will make every little comments about my or even my colleague's male candidates. =p

Morning entry

I had a good chat with Cedrick last night. Perhaps, like what he said, I should go out and enjoy myself and face the reality. Sigh. Luck is never on my side. I like my sunday job so I am reluctant to let go now. My tutee likes me so I will feel guilty to let go. Tell me, which is better, being hard-hearted or soft-hearted? I have been avoiding what I am supposed to face by making myself busy. I think it is hard to let go until I am being heard by you. Is it so hard to listen to what I have to say?

This reminds me of what happened when I was ten years old. My 2nd uncle (my dad's second eldest brother) was on his deathbed and my granny was at his side. My granny told him to sleep with ease because we would look after his family and she used her palm to close his eyes. I guess those were the words which he wanted to hear before going off peacefully.

For me, I just want to be heard. It has been a month and I am still holding onto it as strong as ever. No, I can't face it until you hear me out and until we have a chat.

A better day

Well, I got into my office with the usual “just another work day” mood. I think I really enjoy talking to the two intern students and one of them is sitting right in front of me. They will be leaving in about five weeks’ time. I have a feeling that I will feel sad about it. =/ Another usual event will be the bickering between my manager and I which cause my colleagues to laugh at us. Sometimes, my manager will even laugh to tears. You can see what a clown I am. Either I am being too muddle-headed, the things I say or the way I laugh that cause all the laughter in the first level. I think I am born to make others laugh. o.O It must be due to my child-like character. I am still young at heart! =D

Ever since that matter, I just have the urge to write down my thoughts whenever I can even when I just wake up from my sleep. There must always be a start if I really want to open myself up. Sometimes, when I read through my blogs, I feel that what I wrote differs from how I usually behave. Yes, I cry easily but I feel quite uneasy to cry in front of people. Did I say that I will not cry in front of anyone unless I am really, really down or upset?

Anyway, my work day ended well even though I had to do half an hour of OT to finish up my work and wait for my manager to finish her work.

Oh ya. I just received an invitation to Cedrick and Meryl’s 21st birthday celebration. They actually customized the card. So sweet of them! I have a feeling that Meryl wrote the details and Cedrick added in the funny parts. It seems like everyone is holding a big 21st birthday celebration. But, I still think that a quiet birthday celebration is more ideal for me due to many reasons. Reasons like, may not have the time for the planning, really doubt that my family will turn up and may not have the time to talk to all my friends and everyone belongs to different clique so it will be a little awkward for some. I seriously do not mind meeting new people but I don’t really fancy big group gathering.

GOOD NEWS! My dad allows me to stay overnight on their birthday. I am so happy because it is my first time doing it openly. ^^ You guys are so honoured! Guess what I said? I said, “I am still young. So, do you really expect me to do all these when I turn 31 or 41?” Ha. As usual, he will always add on, “Must love yourself” Meaning, not to have sex with anyone. o.o I won’t! My policy is to give my first time to the love of my life. Eh. Don’t laugh at me. I am really serious about it. =/

Oh ya. A colleague wanted to buy condoms for the Chinese custom wedding to make the “brothers” do silly action. Ha. I got really excited over “condoms” because I have not really seen or touch it before. The only memory I have is during Secondary 2, the boy sitting next to me actually brought condoms to school. I only knew about it after he got a scolding from my teacher and I only got a glance at it for a few seconds. Perhaps, my friends are really innocent or they feel that they will scare me off by having any indecent conversation with me. Anyway, some tried and they could see that I am not comfortable with it. See, I am so pure and innocent, how would I have sex with people? Okay, perhaps I may due to my soft-heartedness. But, touch wood. I can’t give in due to this. No way man.

Somehow, I am still feeling the emptiness. I am a very stubborn individual (a better word will be, determined) so if I don't do what I want or plan to do, I will not give up until I get it done. Yes, I am not totally okay. Like what Alex said, it will be so unlike me if I get over it so quickly. True.

Moody Monday


Yesterday was a hell day for me. I was extremely moody for the whole day and practically dragging myself to all the places. There were a few reasons that caused my moodiness. The one that caused me to nearly break down is what took place in the office. Basically, I got all the blames and being told off for something which I did but not decided by me and when I was not the only person doing that. In a simpler term, I was just following instructions, maybe blindly. At that moment, I nearly wanted to run out of the office to cry but I thought that it would cause too much attention from the other colleagues so I had to remain where I was. I could only sit there and swallow all my tears. I can’t give up. I need to stay strong for the next 10 months. I have been through something much worse than this so this should be nothing to me.

Many things are left unsaid and I am praying hard everyday for a miracle to happen. Like, what if I suddenly left this world? No, I am not being pessimistic because there were relatives and friends who suddenly left me, as in dead. You really have to go through this to know how much shock it brought to me. I was left in a shock state for at least a week for each death. For one particular death, I had nightmare everyday for at least a week. I guess I have to make a point to share something with some people.

My 2nd greatest fear is people I know, love or care leaving me forever, be it from this Mother earth or my life. I guess I would do anything to make everything back to normal again. I know this is silly but it is really painful to experience it.



I had a dream last night. In that dream, everything was back to normal and I was really glad and happy. When awoken from that dream, reality struck in and brought heartache to me.

He is only 25?(EDITTED)


I just realised that Nat Ho is only 25! I still cannot forget the fact that he is the first guy who made me scream out loud when I first saw him at my school! I thought that he was really very handsome and cool looking. No, I believe that he is still very attractive! But, according to the horoscope, aquarius and virgo do not compliment each other so I can only admire him. Oh no! What am I talking about? Anyway, to be safe, I will never date men of certain horoscopes. By the age of 13, I have already known which sign I should date and which sign is a no-no to me. = p I KNOW that I should not rely on it but this is a way to protect myself by preventing less possibility of breaking up with the other half. Good enough reasoning? =D


10:07AM:

As my colleague whom I met up with this morning stays at the extreme North area so I made my way down to Serangoon MRT this morning to take taxi to the Hougang MRT to fetch her to the call center. When I was about to reach there, she said that she would only reach Hougang MRT at 8.15am. Therefore, I decided to miss a few cabs as it should take only 5minutes to reach Hougang MRT from Serangoon MRT. So, I board one at about 8.08 am. and he agreed to fetch me to two places. GOSH. Little did I know that he actually did not know his way so he took slightly more than 10minutes to Hougang MRT. It was quite worrying as we must reach our work place at 8.30am! My supervisor would slaughter us alive if we were late. The journey to our workplace gave us several heart attacks too because he did not know his way. SIGH. In the end, we reached there at about 8.32am and I saw my manager's car. O.O I thought that we were going to get it. But, to our surprise, the first thing she said to me was, "Hey! Chu Er! Long time no see!" - FYI, she usually doesn't come on weekend. A second later, she asked, "Did you come yesterday?" I said, "Yes, I did. Everything is so confusing now!"


I thought that working with a group of aunties will be very bad as older people tend to be very stubborn but it turns out that they are very helpful and friendly! Don't think that they are old
so they don't know anything. The fact is, when you tell them a location, they can quickly tell you which driver to assign to. I am very much impressed by how they speak to the customers. What we are better at is definitely our PC skill. Oh. Mr. boss is sitting right beside me now. And, I opened too many windows that he wants me to close them. =( So, I closed some and opened them as new tags. = p I am very rebellious, right? I think I am always so fated to sit beside "big" people. Did I say that I have to sit beside my manager for my full-time job as she wants to train me? I wish to tell her that she is wasting her time because I will leave by next june. =/ Never mind! I will learn as much as I can as it will benefit my future. I have too much to improve on.



11:00pm:

I had a great time working with my colleagues even though we had to answer an average of 3calls at every minute. =) Some drivers were really crude. I got scolded by one of them until I was really so dumbfounded. He used very harsh words like, “All of you are so useless”, “All of you are so slow” or “Aiyo..You are so blur until…” Trust me that he was practically shouting at me over the phone when I did not do anything wrong. All I could say was, “Ahh..”, “Erm..”, “I am sorry..” or “We have really tried our best” Well, my aunty colleague told us to ignore them because some of them are just like this.

I ask myself why I should go through this agony. My answer is, to make myself stronger and ignore negative comments about me. But, it is hard especially when these words come from your loved ones or people you care about. Sigh. Anyway, I will never see that driver whom I like most. Before I left, he actually looked for me and disturbed me for one last time before he drove off. Ha. He loved to call me "Ben Dan No. 1" because I am really quite muddle-headed. I actually felt like crying when he drove off. =/
He was really very nice because he had never scolded me for making any mistake but just joked about it. =) This world needs more people like him.


I finally changed my blog song and I like its lyrics a lot.


Just for you.

Sunny Saturday! (EDITTED!)


Somehow, I was/am so glad that yesterday’s tuition was cancelled as the tutee had a family dinner. Although she is cute and pretty, she is a monster to me. You have to teach her to know it. I certainly do not mind having less income if it means that I have to drag myself to her house on every Mon, Wed and Fri night. I am praying hard that her parents will tell me to stop teaching any of the subjects so it will become two nights per week instead. It will also mean that I will have more time! Okay, not significantly much but still mean something to me!

Anyway, I went for something which I knew what my decision was going to be and it became clearer when I reached my destination. I had not felt so nervous and uneasy for a long time. However, I think that I was brave enough to reject it. I cannot imagine having to go through that uneasiness if I were to say, “Yes”.

As time worn on, I am starting to worry who to trust in that ‘place’. Yes, I am always a joker in that 'place' by making everyone laugh like mad everyday but I am keeping watchful eyes on some. Okay, perhaps some will start to tell me, “Don’t be so sensitive” or “Don’t think so much”. Well, I feel alone in that place. But again, it is nothing compared to a year ago which I was so frightened and tearful every single day for a year. It was certainly an experience but I seriously hope and pray that it will never happen in my life ever again because it was a really bad nightmare.

I miss school so muchhhhhhhh! I really can’t wait for next year to come. Perhaps, when exams are nearing, I would start to complain that it is better to work. I have been working since last week of March so it certainly helps me to change the perspective of working and studying. For working, you must perform your best everyday for everyone to see. For studying, it is your own business. The worse you score, the happier some people are. Get what I mean? Ha!


(ADDED)
As usual, I chose my favourite window seat on the bus and I was sitting behind this old man. Not that he was handsome but rather he was making weird noises and movements that attracted my attention. More than half way through my journey, I saw him digging his nose. The worse is, he placed his nose dirt at the side. Oh my God! I felt so uneasy and disgusted at that moment that I immediately changed to another seat. EEK! Even at a distance, I still could see two pieces of nose dirt there!

After work, I went home to have a quick lunch and slept for 50minutes. After which, I went to the call center to work for four hours as I agreed to help my supervisor just for this Saturday. Oh God. It was hell. I had to pick up calls at every minute! As it was considered my first day of work after the merge between the two companies so I kept making mistakes. o.o Now, I have to adjust myself to this busy call center life when it was so slack in the past. =/ Well, I think it is a good learning experience for me. Another hell day for me tomorrow! Oh ya. I think my supervisor was bravo because she really has her way of dealing with rude drivers. Those drivers are rude and crude because they will use vulgarity to scold us. =( I will be very angry if any one does that to me and I will get pissed off quite quickly. Shouldn’t they treat us with respect too when we are all colleagues even though we do not work together? They are worse than our own drivers! Another driver is leaving our company. I will miss him because he is really a nice guy!

Peace


I just read my private blog and realized that I have been quite upset for the past one year. (FYI, I usually only post sad entries in my private blog.) Somehow, I wonder why I never put my words into action and let it myself in such a miserable state. Somehow, I am really thankful and touched that I am not forgotten by friends (even unexpected friends) who show concerns to me and willing to spend some of their precious time telling me that it is not worth it over that *. Perhaps, I was too upset to see it but now, I do. Now, I am no longer tearful but angry, disappointed and glad. I have found peace in myself. I am going to move on for real, i.e. to put my words into action this time. I am not going to be a puppet whose life is being manipulated by you and not going to be soft again. If I do, I seriously don’t see who is sillier than I am. I mark my words! Stop thinking so highly of yourself!

Fun Saturday!



You Scored as Sociology
You should be a Sociology major!



Sociology 75%
Anthropology 67%
Journalism 67%
Engineering 67%
Psychology 58%
Linguistics 58%
Biology 58%
Art 58%
Dance 50%
Philosophy 50%
Chemistry 50%
Mathematics 50%
Theater 50%
English 42%



Yea yea. This is the result of a quiz I took. I think this is quite accurate because it has been my interest all this while but I just do not have fate to study it. However, somehow, I am quite glad that I am not enrolled into the school after hearing stories from students of that school. With my personality, I will be very miserable and scared for four years if people around me are hypocrite and unkind. I think I may study Social Work next year but I am still trying to do more research to ensure that it is what I want to go for.

Guess what? Last night, I was stuck on my house toilet bowl for about 20 minutes because my feces couldn’t come out. (HA HA HA. I know it sounds gosh!) I swear that I rarely eat fried food. Recently, because of that incident, my appetite has become very poor. On the average, I only have 1.5 meals per day. In the morning, I have to force all the food down which takes much longer for me to eat than usual. Now, I hardly eat during lunch time especially when I don’t pack any food for work. So, I will have to force myself to eat in the late afternoon otherwise I will not eat anything too. Sigh. Pretty bad, eh? I guess it just shows how much this matter has affected me. =( Even my stomach is emo-ing. =/ I think the worse is, I am forced to accept the truth without being able to fight for myself at all. I am not too sure but I think that my mood has become better because I have not shed a single drop of tear for 2 consecutive days already.

A big thank to people who send me long messages and constantly encouraging me. Either I have finally been enlightened or part of me still strongly believes that this is not the end yet. Ah. Chu Er is a fool!

Oh yea. Yesterday was an enjoyable day for me. It was the last day for one of my colleagues and two more intern students would be joining us, therefore, there were a lot of shifting and clearance of waste papers to be done = no need to search for candidates. =D I would be shifting next to my manager from tomorrow onwards. =( In another word, my boss and her will be able to see whatever I am doing on my desktop. I will miss my old desk dearly because I was still able to secretly do my private stuff. =/ After which, I went home for an hour of nap and went to Pasir Ris to meet Kenneth and his friend (I am sorry! I seriously can’t recall his name at all) for an event called Defining Moments.

I loved the speaker because he could make us laugh at almost every minute. I really laughed at what he said, unlike the time when I was watching Monsters VS Aliens. =/

Hey, I am still trying to weigh the importance between relationship (Kinship, friendship and boy-girl relationship) and career (and wealth). Well, I will still insist that relationship is very important to me even though what I usually do contradicts my value in life. I seriously hope to step out of poverty. Not that I am extremely poor but there is a need for me to earn my school fees, everyday expenses and bills. Anyway, I promise myself that I will play hard on weekend, meaning I will go out on my off days and whenever I am free no matter what time I have to work on the next day. I am beginning to think and convince myself that I will not go poor if I don’t work. My mentality is, I will be broke if I don’t work whenever I can. Being independent is not a nice feeling at times (no matter how much people admire you for how strong or how good you are) because it is still better to be loved. I really hope that one day I can spend on what I want because it is so tiring to save and save and save and work and work and work.

I am still hoping that I can be a blissful housewife in the near future for, I am so sick and tired of working and hope to set up a happy little family with the love of my life. Does it sound unpractical? Wait, I seriously am not referring to now because I am certainly not prepared to settle down in life yet. I aim to give birth to my first child at the age of 30 or 31, that is, if I ever have a boyfriend. Ha ha.

Many things are just not within your control.

Summary of today


After work, I met up with Alex when I was supposed to give tuition. Her mum gave a stupid excuse to cancel it. Seriously, like what Alex said, I should not be worried about her results anymore and not blame myself if she does badly because I have done my best.

Anyway, we walked to Bugis from my work place because it is only a 5 minutes walk. I wanted to do something over there but I was disappointed to know that it is already closed at 6.20p.m. o.o So early! But, extremely nice Alex is going to accompany me there again on Sat after my work! =D

We went to that Wanton Mee shop for our dinner. I talked a lot like I have not talked for years. =/ I realized that the shop was quite noisy because the waitress talked very loudly which disrupted my conversation! So, I gave her a fierce stare. ROAR.

Oh. Before that, let me share something amusing at my workplace. I had this very weird candidate (Z). One look at her resume, I guessed that she must be a weird person. Even so, my manager and I decided to meet her up and decide again. Today, I finally met her. My colleague showed her to her interview room to fill up the application form. But, before that, she needs to find out her name in order to take the right one for her. Know what, Z gave her her IC instead. After which, my colleague intercom me and told me that she found her weird. A while later, I saw the door to the room she was in, was closed and thought that I saw it wrongly because no one closes the door while filling up the application form! Here comes the part!

I stepped into the interview room and did the usual procedure by asking for her photocopied IC. Oh. Before that, she wanted to close the door again. o.o She actually murmured something so I said, “Sorry, I couldn’t hear you. Could you repeat again?” Then, she said, “You are the stupidest person of all!” and I stared at her. She continued saying, “I said you are the stupidest person. You can’t even understand English.” What the hell, right? She added, “You are too young to do my job.” So, I tried to remain calm by saying, “Sorry, you were speaking very softly so I couldn’t hear you.” She replied saying, “You speak very softly too.” Seriously, she was testing patience. I mean, if she couldn’t hear me, how could she even reply me in the first place? In a split second, I had an impulse of throwing her IC on her face and ask her to get out or even to scream at her. So, I walked to my manager for help and explained the situation. Yea. As expected, Z said something weird. Oh ya. She had bad breath and messy hairstyle. After which, I told my boss never to enroll her daughter into the secondary school she was in. Ha.


Yesterday, I met a depressed person and today I met a mad person. Ha. Everyone laughed at my encounters.

Back to the main topic!

I decided to bring him to a Japanese Restaurant called Ministry of Food for dessert. I would say that it is a cheap place to chill at. Listen to my explanation! We ordered 1 dessert as I thought that ice cream and ice can melt very fast so we should order 1 at a time. Not forgetting its Japanese Green Tea. We finished the dessert quite quickly. The green tea is free flow, i.e. you can ask the waitress/waiter to refill hot water into the tea pot for free when you finish the whole pot of Green Tea. Yep. My point is, when you want a cheap and nice place to chill out, you can choose to do that because it will only cost you about $2/person if you order Green Tea only. = p

Anyway, we talked non-stop! One moment, we stared at the children downstairs and laughed about how cute they were. Another moment, we just talked about anything! I was discussing about my coming 21st birthday which is next year! If you know me really well, your guess of my ideal celebration should be quite close to mine. However, I often give people surprise. Well, I am thinking of going to a photo studio and taking many nice and professional shots on my actual birthday. After which, I would treat myself to really good food. On the eve of my birthday, I would go for pedicure and a drastic change of hairstyle designed by hairstylist. Yep. My ideal birthday! If I don’t love myself, who will? It is okay if you can’t think of anything to give me because you can contribute some money to my little birthday wish. = p On a serious note, if you have any good photo studio in mind, please tell me. I seriously do not mind spending a few hundred dollars on my 21st birthday. =)

This morning, I nearly wanted to throw away some of my belongings. I realized that what I carry everyday reminds me of someone. After awhile, I found that it is quite stupid to do so. Therefore, I dropped the idea. From multi-storey carpark, void deck to many other places like the bus stop in front of Bugis Shopping center, all of them remind me of someone. Like almost everywhere we walked, I would tell Alex that “You know, we once…blablabla” Poor Alex. He had to bear with my similar stories. On the first few days of this week, I did something very silly as I really wanted to fight for my right very badly.

Today, Chu Er is very proud of herself because in her opinion, she has been quite strong for the whole of today. She can assure people who love and care for her that; she is not going to do anything silly. Yea. Deep down, she is still blaming herself for whatever that took place.


You know, I want nothing but to have a proper and nice chat with you. It is like the final wish for a very sickly person. Although I feel that I have been treated very unfairly, I still believe and know that you have a good nature, really. No, I am not trying to say something nice but rather, as a matter of fact. I am still waiting! It seriously does not mean that I have given up any hope.

Stronger than yesterday


Whether it is the power of friendship - concerns shown by my dearest friends, strong-willed Chu Er or whatsoever reason, I just want to say that I am still staying strong. I will pick myself up because I hate to feel sad for, my tears will flow down uncontrollably. In certain part of this very blog of mine, I mentioned that I can cry anywhere (bus, MRT, work, etc.)- without people knowing at times. Ha. I am an expert at crying, seriously. The pain has subsided for a bit or has it gone numb? Whatever it is, it is still a good sign, isn't it? For now, I just have to keep myself busy. Oh yea. Last night, I finally had 6hours of sleep. I would not say that it is 6 solid hours because I was only 3/4 asleep most of the times but it is still good enough compared to last few days!



I am still praying...for a good change because I don't feel like giving up as of yet.

Praying for a miracle


I know how determined you are this time and that it is for our own good so that we would not be even more hurt in the future. You know, I really don't care how silly I am, but I am still praying hard, very hard for miracle even though it may be one-sided - which I hope not. I really don't want to care how people think of me. It is too tiring.

It all started with "Excuse me!" that brought us together...

Do you remember?

Yet another regret


I want to declare that I have been feeling very down for the past 2 weeks. I am having many sleepless nights. I really cannot stop thinking because it just hurts too much. No. I am not blaming anyone but myself. Maybe I deserve this ending but no, I am not giving up yet. I will wait for 2 years. You may think that it is impossible but I don't believe so. I will be strong. I will try my hardest to hold my tears back. I know that I screw it up once again but I am just so clumsy. Saying "Sorry" does not seem to fit the situation anymore because I think I used up the magic of it. Someone said when the time comes, it will make everything more rocky. But, from my knowledge, "it" is supposed to conquer all the difficulties, isn't it?


These 2 weeks make what I am doing now even more dreadful because I am not enjoying it anymore and I am not feeling too well. Another 10 months to go. =( One word to describe life now, bad. I am seriously thinking of letting go one of my committments so that I can have more free time with loved ones and for rest. Maybe I am using it to escape something but sometimes, it is really too hard on myself. My life is full of contradiction. Never to learn from me.

Chu Er, Press on!

Never learn?


Last evening, I shared a cup of green tea latte and a slice of cupucino chessecake with sis and I ended up having difficulty to sleep again. o.o I only managed to sleep at 4a.m. with the company of the 5th series of Harry Potter book. The worst of all, I had to wake up at 6a.m. for work. I am seriously counting down to end of work. =/

Inner Thoughts


Last Saturday, two colleagues and I were happily chatting – near the end of our work, we were not slacking! I was telling one of them – she is not that old but just old enough to be my mum – that I prefer living in the 60s because people in that generation were so romantic. Okay, perhaps, just way before my generation.

WHY?

People used to write love letters – To be frank, I have never received one. People usually do it through MSN, SMS, phone or email. o.o Only a handful of them do it in person but still not that romantic.

Usually, the first lover will be with you for the rest of your life – how sweet!

People used to be very devoted. Now, people change lovers like they change clothes – How sad!

Usually, guys would stand up for the girls if they were being bullied but now… =/

No matter what difficulty, the couple would go through it together. But now, people break up due to minor problem and not able to bear with little obstacles - How disappointing!

Anyway, I am getting disappointed with this society. After doing this job, I realized how racist the society can be. But again, people usually have some reasons for making certain decision.

Gathering with dearest HCAs

There was a gathering last evening - went to submit our timesheet and meet up with the rest at Clementi Station. About 22 of us were there. The guys at my table were crazy because they took a lot of sashimi to eat until we got sick of it. =/ As usual, Malek was the joker at our table. Oh. Two of them stole my chocolate cakes.

Incident 1: When I sat down, I realised that one of my cakes was gone so I said,"Oh no. I dropped my chocolate cake while walking here." One of them pointed out, "If you really dropped your cake, you would have seen some stains at the side of your plate." Being convinced by that, I nodded my head and wondered. In the end, it was that tall guy who stole my cake when I walked past him. o.o

Incident 2: I went to take some cakes again and left it on my table and happily munched other food. That tall guy (sitting next to me) asked, "Don't you want to have your dessert?" I looked at my table and told him later and looked again as I realised that my cakes were gone again. o.o So, I started to ask around and that tall guy directed me to the direction of that shortcute guy. Know what? He was holding my plate and eating my cakes! =( He even complained that my cakes were too sweet for him and returned that plate to me. o.o

After which, the whole lot of us walked to west coast park for a stroll. We chatted and had fun among ourselves. We parted from there. There was a sad tingling feeling found within me. I am not sure when we will meet up again. Maybe never.

Luckily there was another colleague who lives two blocks away from me so we took the same bus home and had a chat. Then, I realised a lot of things - both nice and not so nice ones. =/

Can you find me? =p





Trust is not given by default but to be gained over time.

Capricious Chu Er

This is my second draft since my last update. Someone (cute and handsome as what he claimed to be =x) suddenly came up to me and demanded me to update my blog. Ha.

I had nice chats with some friends on MSN till 4a.m.before heading to slumber. Suddenly; I was awoken by some knocks on my door. Roar. It was either Dad or Mum. Yeah. It was quite obvious because they were the only ones at home. o.o I was a little pissed off because that person did not say anything after I said a few times of “Sui? Sui?” – (Sui = Who) So, I had to stand up and walk to my door to open it. o.o It was dad. He said, sis called and said that I was supposed to meet her at 2p.m. O.O I was so shocked as it was already 12p.m. at that time and I thought sis told me to meet her at 4p.m. =/ I quickly called her and got the details. I washed up, ate my brunch (noodles) and played my game on Facebook again.

It can be as difficult to attract my attention. When something happened and I am being confronted by the involved party, I realised that I am not aware of the detail at all. However, from the tone and expression of the other party, I knew that he/she did not lie, that is, I was being informed.

Lesson learnt: Never take my reaction or response as the final answer because I may not be even listening to what you told me. Remind or ask me again even at the expense of being told off by me as a Nag! =D

Sis had to go to her school for a checkup so I volunteered to accompany her there. Hee. This is Evidence number one that I am a good sis. =D It was not exactly nice to travel there because of its long journey. =/

After which, we headed to Jurong Point to walk around. Sis and I walked into The Faceshop and I bought a bottle of glittering nail polish. ^^ I am not sure why but I just felt like having something nice to pamper my tongue so I suggested us to go to Starbucks for a drink (Caramel Coffee jelly) and snack (Ooze Lava). I paid $10 and sis paid the outstanding. This is Evidence number two that I am a good sis. =D I hardly treat people to food or drink so it is evident that I am good. = p We read our books, magazines (taken from the shelf) and chatted a bit. For your information, the Ooze Lava was a disappointment. Anyway, I told sis that a colleague looks handsome when he wears a mask because of his big eyes. However, he looks different without a mask. = p (Okay, I look better with a mask covering my whole face=x)

Speaking of the evil, he appeared right before my eyes on the MRT platform. O.O Gosh.


Everything is over without a warning. Should I be glad especially after all the complaints I had about the job over the last few weeks or sad that I may never see most of my colleagues who spent many hours fighting against the hours with me?

In any way, I learnt something from all of them and am glad that I met them. It is a transition of my life that would definitely contribute a significant amount to help me to be a more successful person and be stronger to fight for and achieve my goals in life. Not the transition but rather, the clearer picture of what I want to achieve in life.

It is still hard for me to ignore what some say about me especially about something that I am not but I will still try to be nonchalant.

Something funny


I took my toothbrush in an attempt to brush my teeth. Then, I realised that it has turned a little yellow (Opps~ Didn't I tell you that I am a sentimental person? = p) so I threw it into the trashbin at the side of the sink. After which, I happily went to the storeroom to search for one. To my horror, I could not find any! O.O So, I quickly asked mum and she convinced me that I should be able to find one. After a few seconds, she came in and helped me to look for it. But...it was to no avail. =( Yea. Sis scolded me for being dumb for throwing my toothbrush without checking it. Well, I said someone in my family is bound to embarrass me. =/


Shh...I have no toothbrush for tonight and tomorrow morning so I have to rinse my mouth using the mouthwash. Luckily, I must wear mask for my work otherwise I would try not to talk. Hee. Good night!

Something positive


A job that has illogical, ridiculous and endless of rules. I really dislike how we are being treated. We are human beings, for goodness sake. Why can't you treat us with kindess, respect and understanding? Why do you even exist in the first place? You are a disgrace to our human race! Perhaps, it is your forte to threaten people and I really dislike to be threatened for, you will lose the trust I have in you. Yes, it makes us listen to you but we do not respect you at all. Roar! (I didn't intend to type this out but as I think of it, all my thoughts just flow out very smoothly. I will bear with this for, I am Lim Chu Er!)


During work, I saw my relatives and was quite happy about it because I only see them once a year. =/ All of them looked glad to see me too including the kids. =D At that moment, I felt safe. I really wanted to go home so much yesterday. All I could tell myelf is to stay strong and control my temper. Yesterday I was seriously very pissed off that I tear. I guess this is due to lack of rest. You know, I usually have problems falling asleep and because of this job, I fall asleep within 10 minutes or less. =/

Last week, I met up with Marzuk after work. He was supposed to fetch me at Boon Lay Interchange and in the end he was late (as usual = p) so he changed the meeting venue to Jurong East Interchange. We went to Bukit Batok to have our supper - roti prata. Wee~ I had a cheese and mushroom prata and a ko-song (a plain prata). I think they were rather nice especially the cheese and mushroom one. We had a nice chat especially on our lives and mentoring. Anyway, we only managed to meet up after several months because I am always so busy.

Well, if I had a choice, I would not want to work this hard too.

Which rich guy wants to marry Chu Er and gives her happiness? I am never lucky in this. =(

IF given two choices; a guy who is poor but loves you and a guy who is rich but does not not love you, who will you choose?

I have made up my mind to choose the two of them. I believe that the rich guy would give me a handsome sum of allowance and I could save it up. As such, I would get richer and look for the poor guy with that sum of money. Ha. Just kidding! Actually, it is not that important for the guy to be rich as it is more important for that guy to truly love me, care for me and be understanding.


Last night, as I was on my way home with my colleagues on the MRT, I started to tease and laugh at my colleagues. I was really laughing out loud. I kept laughing until the passengers beside my colleagues got influenced by my laughter and started laughing as well. HAHAHA. Laughing is a good form of exercise! =D Something positive, eh? = p

Oh ya. One of my jobs can get very boring so we would try to keep each other awake by telling stories. I tried telling a serious one and two ghost stories and all of them became jokes. Laugh out loud. Roar. Ha ha.

Live it


It has been quite awhile since my last serious update. Anyway, a colleague shared a story – story of her best friend - with us today. The moral of the story is to tell us to live our life to the fullest. The story was rather touching. Anyway, her best friend passed away quite some time back.

Ah. Life. To be frank, I have not been living to the fullest because at almost every single minute, I would be worrying about something or asking myself why life has not been fair to me.

Should I live and meet others’ expectations of me or be myself?

Many expect me to be a cheerful and happy-go-lucky person.

In reality, I am far from it.

I guess it is partly due to the expectations of others that I am used to hiding my feelings so that I would not disappoint them. Of course, there are some other reasons why I am reluctant to share.

Perhaps, smiling my way through can make me live longer.

Sometimes, I really lose my way, not knowing why I live. I feel that the reason why I live is to go through the life of what most people do which is very meaningless. I really need to look for a purpose and work towards it. I do have a goal in mind but the goal exists just for the sake of existing. Tell me, when can I gain my freedom and rights?

I know that my entry is still not something cheerful but just make do with it.

Have you thought of giving up your life to someone who treasures, deserves and appreciates it more than you do? I do. The sad thing about life is, you own it but it is not under your control.

Decision making


I took two such modules in my formal education but it does not seem to help because I still have a hard time making decision. Are there too many alternatives for me or am I not weighing the possibilities rightly?

Know what? If I were rich, I might employ three secretaries to help me make decision.
One is not enough as he might not have enough reasons to convince me.
Two are risky as there is a possibility that they do not agree with each other and it is not the way I want it to turn out. I mean I employ them to make decision for me.
Three are just nice as at least two people will agree with each other which make things easier.

A friend actually pointed out that if I were rich, I would just buy a degree which I did not agree with. Well, he was right in a way. At this point in time, I am far from rich so it is rather hard for me to imagine. According to my principle, I want to feel proud that I earn it by my own efforts and hard work because it hurts like nobody’s business when people look down on you – ah. I am supposed to ignore these people.

I hope to be rich for once so that making decision may be much easier for me.


How nice it is if everyone can be friends with each other. For some, you can just magically talk to him/her without any difficulty. For some, the same magic does not seem to work again. How sad.





Finally an entry that is not so depressing?

Negativity


I write better when I do not feel that good – hey, not what people say, having PMS. On Monday, I was extremely pissed off by something that I cried at my workplace – without anyone knowing. I know it sounds silly that I cried but I seriously felt very helpless as I had/have no access to the internet to do my stuff. Well, I willed myself to stop as I did not want anyone to think that it would affect my work – this is a common assumption when you do not know someone well. Anyway, I bore with it till my way home. When my colleagues left, I closed my eyes and cried a little and decided to text Alex – my best friend, my confide mate – he is one of the few who really understands me and always has a way to make me feel better.

I am losing all my confidence again – I am ugly, a boring person with nothing to talk about and only knows how to irritate people with my thunderous laughter. Don’t worry, I know where to hide myself. I know I should take a break but I really cannot afford to.

My current feelings: confused, worried, scared, disappointed – yes, all the negative ones. I feel that I am like a volcano that is about to erupt soon. Ha ha.



I want to be heard but not to be hurt.

Outing and random thoughts



*Dusting off cobwebs*

Recently, there is very limited optimistic blood flowing through me. Well, at least my work has drained most of my energy off like nobody’s business which makes it impossible for me to break down. Yep. I did cry a bit for the past few days – I really mean a bit because it was only a few droplets.

My hp is down again! Roar~ So, in the meanwhile, I will be using my old phone. While waiting for a friend, I browsed through the photos – most were taken when I was still a cute little secondary school girl. I realized that I have really grown up – in terms of looks. The other time, a friend said that he remembered me as a little girl when I first entered poly and now, I have grown quite a bit.


I think it is quite self-explanatory by the name of my blog because I did not really find the show “Aliens VS Monsters” (or, “Monsters VS Aliens”) funny when most people and my friends laughed during the show. I tried to laugh with them. Ha. Erm. Wait. I think some parts were funny but I was too tired to feel that they were funny. Acceptable?

After which, we went to Astons for our dinner. I ordered Sirloin steak – medium rare. Seriously, I am really bad at eating all this because I often have problem cutting the meat. =/ Anyway, I think it was rather nice and the price was quite reasonable.

Our next stop was Esplanade. I think we went there to look at the buildings and sea and disturb each other. There were quite a number of couples which made me feel uneasy. Ha. Frankly speaking, my legs were rather tired after the long walk from the Cathay. I wanted to sit down but everyone stood up so I bore with it. =/

The last stop was a dessert shop at Bugis area – yes, another long walk. The aloe vera with lime and honey was very good and refreshing. I liked it a lot! =D

Anyway, those friends are my colleagues. Half of them would be leaving soon which I am not too sure if we still have the time to keep in touch. I will miss you guys and really nice meeting all of you. ^^


Well, it is really hard for me to be optimistic when I do not really see a lot of positivity in life. No matter rain or shine, Chu Er will still smile and laugh like nobody’s business because it is her forte. I know that it seems like I have disappeared from the Earth but I have not. From what I see, this will remain for at least 2 more months. Fret not, Chu Er will not forget her friends. Thank you people, you have been very understanding and supportive especially at this period of time.


Hey, tell me if there is a limit to give in because I am...

Work, work, work!


Hoho. Chu Er is back! I accepted an assignment on the 6th of May and started work on the following day at 8am at Tuas Checkpoint to be a health screener.

We can be stationed at either the bus arrival point, arrival hall or cargo arrival point. Seriously, for the past four days, I learnt a lot – the work responsibility of the ICA, our work responsibility, the types of people who will arrive at the bus arrival point and types of goods arrived at the cargo area. I love to be stationed at the cargo arrival point the most. I will do it at least once a day. = p Oh ya. I am starting to learn basic Malay or else I will have difficulty communicating with most drivers or deliverymen as they do not even understand basic English.

This job really trains my willpower and determination especially in the morning when I have to wake up at 5.35 a.m. for work and reach home at about 10.30p.m. It has been like this for the past four days. It was real tough in the beginning but I got it to it already. I really love the bunch of friends I made because we could really talk about anything and laugh at it. A few of them are quitting so I secretly feel sad about it.

Well, if you know me personally, you will know that friends and companion are always very important to me. Sometimes, they indirectly give me the strength to move on.

Although I have been really busy working that I cannot have the free time to do anything that I want, I secretly like it too. I would say that most of the times I do not really have the time and energy to think of anything which is a good thing. I need this willpower and determination to make a change in my life.




I always wish and want to trust you but…

Sunny!


Last night, I wanted to blog when I reached home. However, the moment I started using the computer, I felt rather weak as though I could collapse at any time. Ha. This shows how tired I was. This is the aftereffect of not sleeping well and working too hard. =/

Yesterday, my colleague and I felt that what our supervisor said was rather funny. She told us never to take a lift from any of our drivers because no men are good creature. They always have a knife on their head (in mandarin) – in my opinion, it means that they are meant to hurt girls. o.O Well, she must have hurt by enough guys to make this comment.

Perhaps, one day, I may even say the same thing like her. Possible? Rather not. If you know me well enough, most of my friends or rather close friends are male. Suit you if you think that it makes me a flirt. Ha. As I grow up, I realize that reality is usually different from the show or movie we watch and books we read – the ugly truth of life. Hey, I often imagine myself as the main character who receives lots of love from the love of her life – like receiving flowers on every date, dating at a nice and romantic place and talking about anything under the moon/sun/stars. To be frank, I never really fancy any flower. If you ask me to name one, I would still say it is sunflower because I will magically get cheered up when I see it. =D Ah. I will never forget the time when I received a stalk of sunflower from a friend who visited me at my workplace. He gave that to me when he knew that I like sunflower. I have not told or really showed him how I felt, but I was really, really very touched by that that I nearly tear – I always have my way of hiding it and it is really hard to touch me to tears. Well, I seriously still think that it was a way to cheer a friend up and he really made my day. I was still smiling to myself when I made my way home. (I know that you will read this. I always thought that the love of your life will be very blissful to have such a sweet and thoughtful boyfriend like you who knows how to cheer someone up.^-^ )

For the whole of yesterday at work (8am to 8pm), I played a game called Restaurant City at Facebook. All thanks to my colleague who excitedly introduced it to me the moment we reached the office. o.o I got so addicted to that game. Later on, I told sis to play that and she got addicted to it too. = p

I excitedly looked forward to the end of my work because…I would be meeting the mentoring peeps (Cedrick, Yong Xin (YX), Zhan Hui (ZH) and Andrew Ho) for a dinner. We dined in at Mantanhann Fish Market. I liked the mushroom most. Ha. As usual, I laughed like mad at what they said. Erm. YX and I seriously can be good friends because ZH said the expression we had is the same when it comes to gossiping. =/ I shall take it as a compliment. Hohoho.

Yeah. Mentoring outing is coming soonnnnnnnn! =D To be frank, I have a feeling that I would break my promise due to my work. Opps~



If only everyday can be this fun!

A pig-soon-to-be


I really ate a lot today!

In the morning (at about 6 a.m.), I had a plate of rice and 2 side dish (Cabbage and egg).

While working (at about 8:30 a.m.), I started eating my croissant which I bought last night.

For lunch (at about 12:45 p.m.), I had rice and 3 side dish (Cabbage, egg and 3 prawns) that I brought to work - never fail to ask dad to cook more food for dinner the day before so that I could bring to work when I have to work from 8a.m. to 8p.m. in the following day= p After that, I saw Haggen Dazs Rum & Rasin ice-cream (being tempted for the Nth time but never dared to open) - it was finally opened so I ate a scoop of it. Then, I saw the big bar of rum & rasin chocolate and got tempted so I gave myself an unofficial permission to open it. Yum~

At about 3:30p.m., I started munching my cheesecake which I bought yesterday. Seriously, it was the worst cheesecake I ever had for its lack of cheese taste and cheese and the cake was not soft enough. The best one is still the one sold at Fish & Co. =/

At about 6:30p.m., I had cup noodles for dinner.

For the whole of today, I had about 2 cups of ribena.

I kept eating and eating and eating. =D

Do you know what is the number one thing I want to do now? SLEEP! I am seriously tired because I only had about 3 hours of sleep for 12hours of work. o.o

Oink~

Would you

If one day she is down, would you ever bring a stalk of sunflower for her to cheer her up?
If one day no one believes her, would you ever stand by her till the end of the world?
If one day she is happy, would you ever laugh with her till you are breathless?
If one day she smiles at you, would you ever smile at her too?
If one day she needs company from you, would you ever stop what you are doing and be her companion?
If one day she is having fun, would you join her to have fun too?


Will my prayers be heard again?

Extreme makeover?



Nono. I am just thinking of doing it. Seriously, whenever I look at myself into the mirror, I cannot stop telling myself that I am ugly. I was being told that I should not that do that to myself so I started telling myself, “I am pretty. I am pretty.” I stopped after saying three times because it is so difficult to lie to myself. Laugh out loud.

I do not like my face. I do not like how I dress up. I do not like my hair. =( But, money is always the issue so how am I going to dress myself up? Urgh! But, I am not that stingy when it comes to my loved ones – like my sis and certain friends (I think sis will deny it because she keeps telling me that I never buy anything for her. I really did so. =/) Perhaps, I should start hating them one day so that I can have more money for myself. =D

I seriously hate to wait. I cannot even wait for 5minutes so how am I going to wait for one month = thirty days = 720 hours = 43, 200 minutes? Actually, it is slightly less than that already but it is still very, very long. Everything is still very unpredictable. What if I get none of them? What should I do? I seriously need someone to tell me even though the future concerns me, not anyone of them out there.

Free Cone day!

A day without Music (?)


I am not trying to imply that I became deaf today but rather, my beloved/precious earpiece was not with me. It is the inward plug (if I did not get the term wrong) but of course, it is a cheap one. = p I only use 2 types of earpiece; inward plug and hook-on earpiece. These are the ones which will not fall off from my ears! So, just for today and even tomorrow, I had/have to use the basic earpiece which really irritates me a lot. In every 30 seconds or so, I had/have to adjust its position to ensure that it does not fall off from my ears.

I am not a spoiled brat or musician. I just need the company of music to keep me awake through out the long journey on the MRT. Imagine having to travel from Queenstown to Punggol and take a LRT from there? I HATE IT! I am not a fan of long MRT ride. I would not have complained so much if it was a long bus ride, instead. Reason being, there are people or surroundings for me to admire at. Ha. I love to daydream a lot but the tendency of me doing that is reduced to its minimum level and falling asleep is increased to its maximum level on the MRT. I think by now, I am an expert for sleeping on the MRT especially after a long day at work or doing project. There was once when a very nice gentleman actually stood up and let me have his seat so that I could sleep better.

Today was not exactly a pleasant day for me because before I started my day, I was already so irritated. Reason being, Dad knocked on my door very loudly to wake me up when I could have slept for 40minutes more. I think they (dad and mum) rotated their duties. This did not occur for the first time. =/ Both the morning and earpiece incidents affected me so much that I had no appetite for my breakfast. I had to swallow my food down even before I chewed them. In the end, my stomach was in pain. =(

Seriously, I still think that I would have stomach cancer or related illness in the future because I could have stomach upset for no reason that my face would even turn green. I went to consult 2 doctors before but they had no idea why. o.o I gave up and bear with the pain (include zero complaints from myself, okay, occasionally.= p).

The days

1st day

There was a hiccup on my 1st day of work. It was real bad because I was late for 10minutes! Luckily, I was not late for my lesson. = p Ah. How hate people being late yet I was still late. Nono. It will not happen again. It was just due to my miscalculation of my traveling time.

Yea. I was supposed to reach that school at 10 a.m. to meet my boss but at 9.54 a.m., I was still at Punggol MRT station! GOSH! I quickly called him – of course, he did not sound pleased – and informed him that I would be late for 10 minutes. THIS IS NOT THE END! I was lucky enough to get a cab within 2 minutes – despite the fact that a bus driver said that it was difficult to get a cab there but I could try my luck and I did! Anyway, the taxi driver had no idea where the school was, let alone the exact road name. o.o So, I called my boss again. When I thought everything was solved, he said that he could not see where the school was. So, I suggested opening the door and asked the passer-bys. The taxi fare was… $4.60. What the hell. If I had one more minute, I swear that I would have bargained with him and reduced it to $4.00. Laugh out loud. Okay. Perhaps not that low.


IT IS STILL NOT THE END! I was supposed to teach a typing program but when we tried looking for it and clarifying it with the technician, then we realized that it was not installed. NOT blaming anyone! I was okay with it. What I was not okay with was that I did not make any preparation to teach the hardware (e.g. the monitor) and Microsoft word. o.o

My boss helped me a little here and there so everything was fine and they learned something from my lesson. Phew~

It is really not easy being a teacher. I finally understood why some teachers kept complaining they were feeling so warm or perspiring a lot.

WAY TO GO! It is just the beginning.

Hey. Perhaps, I should try teaching kids more because I really enjoy it. They are just so adorable.




2nd day
I reached the school earlier than the meeting time so in the end I had to wait for 35minutes. o.o After more than 15minutes, the girl next to me finally talked to me. Okay. It sounds silly but I just refused to make my first move that day. It turned out that she was from my Polytechnic and she was a pretty nice lady. For my morning, I just had to help here and there and walked around to help the students. Sadly, I was not an expert at robotics yet so what I could do was pretty limited. =/ I AM STILL LEARNING!

After that, I took a bus to Bukit Batok MRT station and took a train down to Clementi MRT station. Clementi has changed a lot that I could not recognize it and nearly got lost. Yes, I forever lose my ways. Anyway, I walked around there as I volunteered to help a colleague to look around for food as he would reach later than me from other school. You see, I was worried that he would not have enough time to eat. After buying, I saw a Secondary school senior but refused to walk over and say Hi. =/ (Okay. For some reason, I was not outgoing or being weird.) After which, I walked back to the MRT station. While waiting for the colleague to finish using the toilet, I saw Benjy. We were quite surprised as we did not expect it at all. He said that the impression I gave him is like we were strangers. Sorry. =/ I think I was really too tired and surprised. Sorry. =/

I think the hero for today was my colleague. Without him, I would have lost my way! Why? I actually told him that we should walk the opposite way to the school. Then, he asked if I read the map from the MRT station and I said yes. Ha ha. Anyway, I told him that I am bad at reading maps and recognizing my way. Ah. Yes, he was trying to test me before telling me the correct way. I seriously need to attend a lesson on my North-South-East-West direction. = /

Anyway, we reached there very early and had to wait for more than half an hour. Luckily, I am still able to communicate with him even though sometimes I pretended that I was listening for I was really too exhausted.

What were the exciting things during my lesson? Oh ya. I taught Macromedia Flash. I remembered that a student actually tried to challenge me or something so I said in a stern voice, “You seriously want to challenge me?” It really scared him off and he did not dare to challenge me anymore. For another, he was being very mischievous so I threatened him by saying something like I will make sure that he would not be allowed to step into my class again. Hope that nothing will happen to me. o.o It does not sound like me at all. How good if I always do that when I am being taken advantage of or being bullied? My boss said I am the soft type of person when dealing with students so I am trying to work on this. I am serious when I say that I am going to be a hard-hearted person. Apparently, I am improving – not referring to how I treat my students. One more thing, I am still speaking very softly when I think that I speak very loudly already. That was what my boss commented. He asked me to work on my voice. How? I work on this for 3 years already but it is still the same. =/

3rd day

The class was a little hyperactive but not that attentive. 1 girl cried in class because she claimed that she could not do what was given to her. The fact is, she did most of them already. So, I put my right hand over her shoulders saying, “You are doing very well and should keep up the good work. Give yourself credit for this, ok?” By then, it did calm her down then I helped her a little more. I remember that the monitor and monitress were over-helpful that I often had to ask them to do their work instead of helping me to supervise the students. Ha ha.

4th day

I was so angry at myself. I thought the lesson start at 10.30 until 10minutes before the starting time. So, there I rushed to the taxi stand. I asked 3 groups of people if they could let me board the taxi first – by then, it was already 7minutes to the starting time.

1st: “I am sorry. We are rushing for time too.” (Okay. Acceptable but I reckon that it would be as rush as mine. Ha)
2nd: (The worst of all. Before I finished my sentence, she rolled her eyes from the sight of me even when I was near to tears already. This is what I call, hard-hearted people.)
3rd: “Where are you heading to?” (I replied saying, “XX School.”) “Oh okay. We can share taxi there as I am heading there as well.” (She said without smiling.)

Sigh. Where are the nice people? In the end, I was about 1-2 minutes late and the students had not arrived yet. I was quite lucky, actually. I should really stop being so muddle-headed! =/

Anyway, I met up with Jethro after that because he is going to be enlisted on the 13th. Well, we would not meet up so soon if I knew that 13th is going to be 2weeks later. =/ Yes, being muddle-headed AGAIN but for the good thing. =D We went for a ice-cream treat, no, I gave him a treat - he chose 1 waffle with 2 scopes of ice-cream on 2 conditions - no durian favour and must be different from what I chose so that I could try. = p The shop was introduced by Andrew (Goh) - a poly classmate. We were satisfied with the treat because the ice-cream is so special. =D Before that, I saw a mentoring friend or rather junior (JP). He was very nice because he accompanied me to that shop. Without him, I would have lost my way again. Yes, he waited till Jethro came. =D He even bought me a bottle of Green tea. =D

Oh. Alex and I promised to go for an ice-cream feast! Hee. IF anyone has any good recommendation, do tell me! =D

Drained out

After today’s training, I went to Tarah Merah MRT to wait for Alex’s mum’s car to arrive. We went to have a lunch first then Moral Angel Home – a home for the aged.

It was my 1st time visiting it. Alex and I were assigned to an old lady for the outing to Marina Barrage. Well, I am not too sure if I was in one of my best mood or I am naturally patient towards elderly. Ha ha. Why do I say so? Basically, she suffers from short-term memory (Erm. Not the one which people proclaim to be but it is really an illness) so I had to repeat the same thing over and over again. In every 5-15 minutes, she would ask, “What is your name?” – Yes, like she had never asked you before. And, she would usually reply by saying, “Oh. What a nice name. My name is…” – By the way, she speaks English. I was quite lucky because sis said that the way I speak Hokkien is like how dad speaks English. =x In another word, I speak very badly. Ha. Even my best spoken language, Mandarin has been deteriorating even since my Secondary school days. =/ I think one day I might stop speaking because people would no longer understand what I am trying to bring across. =x

In any way, I still smiled at her like I just met her. Being patient is the key! The journey on the bus to the destination was very entertaining because 2 of the volunteers sang while Alex played guitar. They sang all the oldies songs. Nice, nice~ =D

I realized that she asked me not to leave her alone for several times even when I just stood up from my seat so I had to reassure her that I would never leave her aside in a sincere tone with a smile. I guess there must be a sad story behind it. People will not constantly ask you not to leave him/her when there is nothing wrong. I think she missed her family a lot too. =/

Define it

I used to think that life is about trial and errors until I met some unfavourable circumstances which made me change my point of view. I think it is about cruelty. Sometimes, people tell you your mistake(s) without even giving you a chance to amend it and condemn you. Being a coward self, you would usually keep quiet and accept the new title given to you. But, before you condemn someone, has it even occurred to you that you make/made mistake(s) too? Perhaps, you agreed that you did but you might protest that at least you would never commit such a grave mistake. Define what a grave mistake is, please.

I am trying to understand the situation now. Can we even afford to make a mistake? If you tell me that the answer is a ‘No’, congrats, we are on the same boat. I am getting the feeling that we must be a perfect individual, with no fraud at all. Look at yourself in the mirror, reflect upon yourself and be frank.

Sometimes, chance(s) are given to you silently, is it fair? Nope. You must be a silent killer, duh.

Well, sometimes, I am really in a loss. Lately, I have been going around asking for lots of advices for I feel that I am not allowed to make any mistake at all which puts me in a very stressful situation. =/ I am still in the process of making a very important decision - not about life and death nor marriage but still as important to me. Wish me luck!

Life after work

Woohoo~ Right after my work, I met up with Zhan Hui (ZH) and Andrew Ho (A) who were all from Mentoring Club for a mini gathering. I have not met them for months for the same old reasons. I was surprised that Sebastian did not turn up because I finally could make it for the outing. =/ It was okay. We still enjoyed ourselves without you. = p JUST KIDDING! We went to a little high class restaurant for our dinner. I liked the ambience a lot. Our dinner was fabulous. I must agree that I behaved like an aunty over there. When we pay $5 for a glass of drink, we will be entitled to a free flow of that particular drink. So, I told them to just order a glass since it was a free flow. = p In the end, I shared it with ZH. We chatted from the time we sat down (about 5.30 p.m.) to about 10.30 p.m. Oh. I decided to join them for a KTV session even though I do not really sing for I am really shy. =/ It is always fun with them around.



I have decided to live my life meaningfully. Although I may break down at times for the same old reason(s), I will still stay strong or even stronger than ever for people who are always supportive and encouraging. I just want to prove myself right that I can be a successful person for the people who had looked down on me or have been looking down on me. Sometimes, it is just your luck and I am still trying very hard to accept my fate. Perhaps, I had done something very bad in my previous life that God wants to punish me in my afterlife and so I am going through what I am going through now.

I think that one day I will start to stand up for myself instead of tolerating everything. One day, I might become very hard-hearted because I am tired of how I am being treated when I always try my best to help when I could. It is not about what you get in return but how you are being appreciated and not taken for granted of. Anyway, hard-hearted and cruel people survive better in this world. This is the type of world I am living in. I am learning to face it.

Choices


How many chances can one be given for a choice? Limited.

I realised that I have made the wrong choices, again. You know, it is one of the most important decisions of my life yet I followed a friend again like what I did when I chose my poly courses. When can I learn from my mistake?

I hate myself. I know that I will have a hard time forgiving myself if I did not manage to get in at all.

Okay. I just hope that I will not depend on anybody again when it comes to marriage (another important decision to make if I have to) which is a long, long way to go. Ha ha.


BLESS ME!

I realised that I am really bad at making decisions. I say, "Anything" more often than one should. Perhaps, I dislike making decisions too. = / For one obvious reason, I have no confidence in myself at all. I seriously need a confident booster. Is it for sale?

The only good thing


I really ponder hard and realize that the only good thing that occurred to me today is that I finally saw my Haagen Dazs manager. Yes, it sounds pathetic especially when I have done a lot of stuff today. =/

Anyway, I was so glad to see her again after so long. Last April, when my ITP supervisor wanted to give us a treat to Japanese meal at Vivocity, I tried looking for her. Sadly, she was already being transferred to another outlet which I have not heard of so I could not look for her at all. o.o

From far, she looked so familiar to someone whom I knew and I was just trying my luck by walking over and it was indeed her. =D Like always, she would be so nice by asking me to join Haagen Dazs again so that we could work together again. Actually, I do not mind but I want to try and learn something different. =) Actually, it was only the third time I saw her since I quit Haagen Dazs two years ago.

She is one of the nicest people I have ever seen. =)





Oh. I have done a personality test which I did long time ago. From my memory, some answers are slightly different and I think that the answers now are 90% true about me. I am sorry if you cannot agree with me. Ha ha.

Get to know yourself better (http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx)

Your view on yourself: Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love: Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education: Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you: You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success: You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of: You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self: You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Dog-eat-dog world


I think it is really time for me to face the reality. It has never occurred to me that the world is that scary – yes, it was already scary to me but I think it is scarier to me now.

I was just telling a friend about my hope to get into my dream university. He told me that with my character, it is not a suitable place for me to study there, I will surely get bullied or being taken advantage of. Seriously, if you tell me that I have 100% of chance to get into there now, I will be hesitating. I am a poor player in politics. I want everything to be straight-forward and frank. I dislike dishonesty. I am also reluctant to lie about my results just to get myself a place in university. Not my style. I want to do it base on my capability.

Sigh. Why? I know this world is not exactly what I want it to be. I am getting disappointed, very disappointed actually. Can doing voluntary work allow me to survive for the rest of my life? I doubt so. But, I do not mind being poor for the rest of my life as long as I do not have to face cruel and inconsiderate people. Looking at how some people behave, I seriously feel like laughing out loud and knocking some senses into them. I hate them a lot, I seriously do. If there was God up there, why is it that he created them? Can someone answer my question?

I am getting the feeling that I will not survive well when I really start working.


Thanks for reminding me. =)

Simple Life Simple Mind


As I grow up, I get more sensitive to my surroundings (okay, sadly, it is more towards strangers). I am very curious about life in the third world country (a.k.a. undeveloped country). I am just a very normal girl but with endless of wishes and hopes for everything around me. I am always in my thoughts (erm. Yes. It can be at anywhere and anytime.). To some, I am just another typical Singaporean who wants everything to be fast (Actually, I am very particular about deadline. But, as I saw and worked with many others, I slowly accept that it is just different for everyone. IF you cannot accept that they cannot finish their task on time then do it for them.) and the best of the world.

I started to notice a show on Channel U at 8pm on every Friday. Every week, they would invite a Singaporean to a third world country to stay for a couple of days to experience the life there.

Okay. Today I was being evil to make a comment. Well, I seriously hope to get to a chance to experience the life in a third world country. (Okay. Perhaps I am weird. I am just weird but I just know that city life is not my cup of tea. I hardly enjoy what I am doing and what I own.) I asked my sis, “Hey. How come they didn’t choose me to go?” My sis said, “Don’t you notice that they always choose pretty girls for their show?” Ha. Guess what? When I saw that host for today’s show, I immediately made a comment without thinking. I sulked and said, “Hey. Look. She is not pretty at all.” = p Well, that comment did make my mum and sis laugh at me. o.o

I am deeply impressed by the life they lead, the house they live in, the things they own and the kind of food they eat.

We always complain when we are being underpaid for a job we do. They do not even have a choice. A lady only earns S$2 for 8 solid hours of hard work under the hot sun and she has to feed a family of 5 with that. Her kids are so mature. They do not complain. The eldest manages the family and does all the house chores. By the way, the lady is a widow. The BEST is; the kids there enjoy attending lesson! Perhaps, it is just the background I came from, so it resulted to me not having a very good impression of attending most lessons. I feel that I must and should do that. Seriously, I have never seen any of my classes reading a passage so excitedly like…they are reading their favourite story or the best thing to do in the world is to read a passage. Never! But, they do it. To me, it was an amazing yet touching scene.

Anyway, I was very touched by what the host did for the school over there and for the family she lived in. She actually bought a lot of stationery such as pencil and exercise books for the school. Do you know that exercise books are very precious to them? She brought badminton rackets for the family. No one in the village had never seen that for the whole of their life and how often do we see them? I was very excited about playing badminton when I was very much younger and even strived to master it. Ha.

When she left, that family actually cried wholeheartedly like someone has just kicked the bucket. I think the host is one of the very few thoughtful people I have ever encountered with. She said, the best gift she could offer for the people was to not bid goodbye to them with tears but with a happy smile. The village treated her like she was a special guest by arranging and having special performances when she arrived and left.


I really learnt hell lot about not comparing your life with others because not only will this make you feel worse than ever, but also, it will strain your relationship with the party you are comparing with. Comparing with them, I am nothing. I know I do take things for granted at times so I often question myself for doing this. Do you?

A belated birthday dinner from Jet!


I finally met up with Jet after so long. The last time we met up was during the Christmas in 2007. Ha ha. He was busy with his A levels while I was/am busy with school work and work. I really have very little time for social activities. =( Anyway, we kept talking and talking until we felt that time was passing by too fast. We aim to meet up again before he goes for his NS. =D Thanks Jet, for your treat. Greatly appreciated. =)

You know, when some of the friends talk to me, I really feel very guilty for not going out with them for a very long time. I don't know. I only know that I will busy working again. Sigh. Thank you friends for not forgetting me all this while. I think I feel quite touched when a friend actually said that she understands me very well so she knows that I have not forgotten her even though I never really keep in touch with her.


Oh ya. Yesterday, Andrew, Guo Wei, Stel and I were supposed to stay back to revise our Biz Maths but in the end we kept talking from 11 to about 3. Andrew went home first so Stel, Guo Wei and I went to Moberly to study. In the end, we still talked more than we studied.


Look at this water-droplet like ball. I gave it to Guo Wei after my last blood donation since he seemed to like it a lot.

Yes, Guo Wei was so fascinated with it that he kept asking what it reminds you of and kept playing with it too. It was very funny. It was really fun yesterday. Love you people, my lovely classmates. ^-^

Continues

HoHo. I am back! This entry is going to be quite long. Yes, it is going to be about my 20th birthday. Nothing big but rather memorable. =) You may be thinking that I am trying to brag about it. Well, if you know me well enough, every little thing is just for my own memory.

Here it goes:

24/01/09

I remember that I just reached home from my 2nd home, Queenstown Community Library and I started whining to my sis that I was feeling very hungry. To my disappointment, other than the Chinese New Year snacks, I could not find any proper food at home. = / Well, that is my home. I think I would die of hunger if there was a war. (By the way, last week, I dreamt that there was a war and the first person I thought of was my mum because she was alone at home. I was worried that my neighbours would not be thoughtful enough to ask her along.) As such, she thought of treating me to Fish & Co for my birthday celebration as I had not been there before. She thought that the Wheelock’s Place outlet was still there but it was a wasted trip so we had to drag our feet to the Glasshouse, the one located at Plaza Singapura. o.o

It was really nice over there. I loved the service there a lot especially the manager. They were such nice and friendly people. I loved the birthday song they sang to me because it was filled with gusto and energy. What’s more can I ask for?

Let me side-track a little. There was a girl of my age celebrating her birthday. That is not the point. Her boyfriend actually went up the stage and played guitar and sang a birthday song, no, two birthday songs for her. It was so awfully sweet! Well, I always think that one of the most romantic ways to propose to a girl is to propose to her at a beach, play a guitar and sing a love song. I know this is classic but don’t tell me that you, You, YOU, have not thought of it before. Okay. Perhaps, I am the only one. *shrug*

My mouse shoes! One of my purchases at Haji Lane. I got them at a much cheaper price. =D


Look at the necklace I wore in the picture. It is one of the gifts from sis. =)


Swordfish Collar. We shared this. Trust me that she was not being stingy. Even with me, a big eater, we had difficulty finishing this. If you ask me, the fish was not my cup of tea but the rest were okay.


Me with Pink Passion. It was quite nice and refreshing. =) We shared this too.


The plates of sauces we finished just by eating Swordfish Collar. Sis always says that it is a bad habit dipping my food into sauce because I am not appreciating the food. Can I beg to differ? I just want to enhance the taste of the food. =D


They made me stand while the crews sang a Fish & Co birthday song for me. I was so embarrased by it or rather being so shy. I always feel so shy when it seems like all the attention is on me. = / Oh. I smiled all the way because that was the best reaction I could give. = p


The crews. =)


The cheesecake or rather my birthday cake. I think it was quite nice because it was not too cheesy but just nice.



Sis asked me to take this photo. o.o I do not know why. = /



The card with a photo of us attached to it. Yes, that is the manager I am referring to. He is really nice. =)



That is all for this celebration. It was really, really a nice experience. It felt great to have people singing a birthday song for you. ^-^ Thanks sis!







The handmade bookmark (handmade by my sweet sis) and red nailpolish (I remember that it was one of the "wants" for my 2008 new year resolution but I got it for this birthday. =/) .




Next up.


This is one of the T-shirts given by Benjy. I love both of them. The white one is sweet while the turquoise one is unique. =D

Actually, he brought me to Billy Bombers (27/01/09) and Kenny Roger (30/01/09) on two separate nights for my birthday celebration. Sadly, we did not take any photos. Ha. Obviously, the food was great. I think there is a big big hole in his pocket now. Thanks la. Thank you thank you. LOL

31/01/09

This is from Afiq! The chocolate is quite nice. Actually, I was quite surprised that he bought something for me. Sweet Afiq~ =D

01/02/09


Created by Alex. =) So cute and right, eh?

I spent my birthday doing the most hatred project, WSNA but with the right people, so it was not that bad. The moment I met up with Stel and saw the cake she held, I was already guessing that might be for me. Then, she said Andrew told her to buy something (the cake). So, I tried very hard to be nonchalant about the cake by not asking anything. Later on, they (Hui Si, Stel and even Andrew) were acting quite secretively when we left Andrew's house for a steamboat at Hui Si's house so the answer was even more obvious. I tried even harder to pretend not see nor hear anything. Okay. The main point is not about pretending not to see nor hear anything but it was the thought that counts. It was really, really very sweet of them to plan a surprise celebration for me. Well, I did try to be surprised. =) Anyway, it was really very nice working with you guys for this project. I really appreciate it too. Hope you guys enjoyed my company too. Ha ha.


My lovely birthday fruit cake. ^-^



Me with the cake. =D


Since, it is my 20th birthday, I decide that I want to come out with 20 facts of myself for my dearest readers to understand me better. Sometimes, I am really sick with the fact that many people find it difficult to understand me. =( After today, you should clear a few doubts of yours!



1. I do not enjoy saving at all. I do it for the sake of my future. Who does not want to enjoy life, eh? Well, planning is very important.

2. I day-dream most of the times during lessons. This is why I often ask teachers the same question which he/she might have just gone through. Actually, I day-dream most of the times when I stare into space. But, of course, I can be very serious if I need to. An article says that it is good to day-dream. Geniuses do this too. =D

3. I hate to do things at the last minute so I guess this is why I usually finish my tasks much earlier than many people. Erm. Yes. I am very reluctant to do things at the last minute unless I really have no choice.

4. I always have my own schedule in mind of what I should do. (If you realise, I do not have a hard copy of my schedule. On my hand phone, it only keeps records of the important dates.)

5. I am a fan of real spicy food.

6. I am usually a big eater.


7. I usually laugh at my secret jokes. This is why many people find me being silly for laughing at nothing. Ha ha

8. If I have a choice, I would want to be a hairstylist or even a performer (but I am too shy, la).

9. I am a perfectionist of myself because I cannot accept myself for making any mistake.


10. I love heart-felt handwritten cards because they are so sweet. (but it has been donkey years since I last received one.) Well, this is why I never fail to write or make a card for people for their birthday or any special reason. I hardly buy any.

11. I am a very soft-hearted person but it is not very easy to surprise me because sometimes I know/predict your plan earlier than you think or spoil it in my own hands. =/

12. When it comes to learning languages, I tend to be a very slow learner. So, my favourite subjects will be more hands-on. I still love mathematics, science and art & craft.

13. I am a right-handed person but I use my left hand to use hand phone.

14. I use my 6th sense to find my way. Well, there are times when my 6th sense is sleeping so I will lose my way! Actually, I lose my ways most of the times. Ha ha.

15. I am often on time and you are honoured to see me late, really. Nowadays, I usually use this smartly so as to not piss myself off. =D


16. My favourite phrases are, "Seriously, I think that", "I seriously think that", "I mean...", "What the hell", "Hell you", "What", "Very funny" and "Zhen de zhen de. Wo mei you pian ni!"(It means "Really, really! I never lie to you" ha. No one thinks that I lie in the first place. =/).

17. I am under-weight for most of my life, borderline under-weight for the rest and hardly hit the healthy range. Ha.

18. I prefer sweet food to spicy food.

19. I am scared of animals and creatures.

20. I tear when I get very angry. Well, when you see that, trust me, do not provoke me any further.


That's all folks!

Well, I still hope that I can celebrate my birthday with....... I have been waiting in vain. Will it ever happen?

Anyway, once again, thank you for all the people who celebrated with me! =D

Happy Birthday to Me!

Hoho. I just joined a new club with a name starts with the number "2". Well, I am just a step nearer to my freedom.

For now, thank you for all your wishes be it through facebook, SMS or friendster, for people who celebrated with me and for people who gave me gifts. They are greatly appreciated! =D

I promise to write a detailed entry on this when I am free.

Shopping at Haji Lane + Hui Fen's 21st


The whole of yesterday was filled with fun and using the word “fun” does not bring justice to describe my day. Well, very fun!

The day before, I was chatting with Alex and he asked about my plan for Saturday. Upon knowing, he wanted to join my sis and I for shopping because he had not gone out for a very long time. We were fine with it because all of us know each other. =D

So, we met up at 12 p.m. at the bus stop of Bugis street. It was one of the best timing to shop there because we did not need squeeze with people! Shopping over there was a breeze. =D Ah. My sis and I bought a t-shirt each from there. Then, we bought some food and drink and walked to Haji Lane – our main shopping area of the day!

I simply loved the paintings on the buildings so I suggested taking some photos by taking the lead. He he.




The nice paintings!



Drama Chu Er =D



I was trying to be funny by pretending to have diffculty pushing the door while sis taking a nice pose. = p


MORE dramaaa! Ha

Many designer clothes are sold over there so it may be a little costly to shop over there but you are still able to get good deals. I will post my buys on the first day of Chinese New Year because I insist that I wear new clothes and shoes for this Chinese New Year. Do not ask me why because I just want so. = /


This is one of the designers' clothes. Quite cute, right? I mean the top. = p


Our group photo. A precious one because Alex actually did not allow me to post any pictures which shows his face but lovable Chu Er managed to persuade him. = D


Goodbye Haji Lane. LOL.
I did not know the back of my hair looks nice. = x

After which, I went to meet up with Sebestian and Zhan Hui (the ex-ex-ex Vice-president of mentoring club) – Yes, they graduated for two years already – to attend Hui Fen’s 21st birthday party. The whole MRT trip was filled with laughter and I got to know more gossips. HOHOHO. They should feel younger with me around. = p

Seriously, it is right that all the men should go for NS training. Know why? People like Cedrick and Adrian slimmed down hell lot. No more belly! Amazing!

Yep. After that, Cedrick came to look for us at Mac and then we went to look for Shu Hui, Adrian and He Lang at E-hub.

The journey to Downtown East Chalet was filled with even more laughter and fun. I think no one believes that I am under-weight but I really am. So, some of them kept teasing me about it. They also teased me about something else which made me so shy. =/

Oh. For the whole night, I kept eating because I just felt like eating. =x We played games and drank alcohol. = D The blueberry cheesecake was so nice!

I really miss the mentoring seniors a lot. There is hardly a single moment where I would feel being a boring person or even feel left out when I am with them. I really hope to meet such fun and nice people when I go to university. = /

A happy day


Actually, I think about two days ago, I finally saw MILO in my kitchen cabinet after so many months! My parents refused to buy because they knew that I can drink up to two sachets of Milo everyday. I LOVE ICE MILO! Erm. Any chocolaty drink is my favourite! Hehehe. And, this Benjy taught me to hide one sachet in my room everyday so that I can have all to myself. What a good idea! But, a kind and honest person like me will not do it. = p

Seriously, I have not been so happy for long. I am so happy. I am so happy. I am so happy! If you ask me for a reason, I cannot come out with any.

I know that there are certain things which will remain as they are as long as I am still breathing so I have to give in by accepting the facts.

Last night, a friend said that he just felt like discussing his plan to me because he found that it was the easiest to confide to me. I was SO surprised to hear that. It is really rare as I feel that many people do not seem to enjoy talking with me because I am a boring person or I seem to be resentful.

I am not too sure if you still read my blog. If you do, you will have my support in whatever decision you make, ok?

I just hope that this happy feeling can last forever. But, it is easily spoilt by some people. Never mind. I will be fine again after complaining it to someone. =D

Stay

While I was walking home, I saw my granny whom I have not seen for about two months. It is only two months but I noticed that there was more white hair among her hair now.

You see, time does not wait for anyone. It keeps running away. Everyone, he, she, it, you and I get(s) older everyday, every hour, every minute and every second.

However, I feel that I still constantly stand on the same spot, not moving at all. I guess part of me remains over-optimistic and another part of me remains hopeful that things are going to improve. Well, up to this very second, almost nothing has become better.

Perhaps, I should start moving.

My New year resolutionswishes of 2009



I feel that having too many resolutions are being impractical as I doubt that I can achieve that many. I shall list down the most important things which I really hope to fulfill.


1. I want to get into my dream university. =)
(I think everyone will know that I will cry a bucket of tears if I do not manage to get in. Ha ha.)


2. I hope that I can spend a month without having to worry a single bit about my expenses.
(Ah. The best is not to pay any single cent for my school fees!)


3. I want to be a more hard-hearted person.
(I just do not see why I should give in to some people when they always do not give in.)


4. I want FREEDOM!
(Well, I have been fighting for it for many years and the worse is, it does not depend on me! I am really NOT a kid anymore.)





Actually, I only need 1 resolution which is to have a problem-free life! Ha.


2008 has been a real bad year for me. I have gone through more downs than ups. I have seen many sides of some people and myself too. Now, I understand why many people find it difficult to get close to me. This is because I do not allow them to.


HAPPY 2009!

Hope that it will be a better year ahead and a fresh start for me and for everyone who reads this entry! ^-^

Bid goodbye to my holiday


I certainly welcomed these 3 weeks of short break because it was really a get-away for me from the overwhelming school work and issues and issues and more issues. *pulling hair* Needless to say, I have been much happier and carefree during this short break even though I had to spend a lot (money).


I am going to brave through the last 7 weeks of my polytechnic life and happily say goodbye to it. I seriously cannot wait for it to be over! I have been counting down to the last day of school since god-knows when. These 7 weeks should be nothing to me since I have already gone through 3 terms. =)

Seriously, I have never hated going to school so much no matter how tough my school work may get.


Last of all, I certainly hate to bid goodbye to my holiday! =’( I will miss you dearly. = /





I will press on!

Merry Christmas!


I want to say that this is one of the best christmas I ever had not because of the gifts I received but rather it was very nice to be with Benjy and friends.

I received a set of necklace and earrings from Benjy. I liked them immediately when I first saw them. ^-^

The box of necklace and earrings

I received a long necklace with an angel pendant from mei mei (the girl whom my mum babysits) ’s mum. I jumped with excitement when I heard it (as I was not at home and sis was curious to see what I received so she opened it for me) because I wanted to buy something similar for a very long time but I am seriously broke to even buy it for myself. OH. She also bought a box of Belgian chocolate for my family. I think the chocolate will taste very nice. ^-^

The long necklace with the angel pendant.

Speak up for yourself


Today, my boss suddenly told me that she wanted to talk to me which she said it was a casual chat. I was wondering that I must have done something wrong or received complaints. Know why? I was out of my mind yesterday as I packed a student’s English homework as Mathematics homework. When she told me to pack again, I packed wrongly again! LOL.

Anyway, later, I learnt that she wanted to know my opinion of a colleague (Z) as one of my colleagues does not like working with Z. To me, when I first worked with her, I felt that she bullied me and being demanding. Well, no one knew about it until yesterday. I have kept this to myself for almost a year (I have been with this centre for almost a year already) because I thought that I was the only one feeling in this way. When I am back to the tuition centre again, I thought that either she has treated me better or I am being immunised to how she treats me.

I did not tell other colleagues about what the boss asked me. I just asked them how they find Z. Only then, I realised that all of them could not stand her. Ha ha.

Some people keep telling me to speak up for myself when I get bullied. The thing is; I prefer peace to fight for justice for myself. Sometimes, I listen to whatever you tell me to do is not because I respect you and agree with you but rather I find that there is no point arguing with some people. There is never once they feel that they can be wrong. The worse is, they can do this but when you do the same thing, they say that it is wrong.

Well, I have tried consoling myself that these people must have lower EQ than I am. Ha ha

Just for you Y

Because I lost you, I realised how much I actually care for you.

Because you told me, I realised how bad I have been to you.

Because you mean a lot to me, I realised how much I have taken you for granted.

Because of the chat, I realised that how much I have not told you about I feel towards you.

I am really sincere that I am sorry.

I will:

learn to express myself better by talking out how I feel instead of keeping everything to myself.

learn to appreciate your presence and existence.

learn to be understanding instead of being jealous when you are closer to somebody else.

I really hope that you will consider this as an action, not words. =/

BBQ cum X’mas celebration



Hohoho. I had an advanced celebration although it did not seem like one. =x But, who cares? I really enjoyed myself a lot as today had been rather eventful for me. ^-^ I think most importantly, I met up with 2 lovely friends, Pei Yi and Ming En and got to know more friends. Additionally, I spoke English for most parts of the day because of them which I appreciate a lot. It gave me a chance to practise it because this really comes rare for me. Come on people, speak English to me! =)


Anyway, I met up with Pei Yi and we got off at Paya Lebar MRT. Then, we took a bus from there and alighted and walked to East Coast Park. However, we were late but not the latest. = p

We had a mega game which was quite fun and at the same time it reminded me how long ago had I not done any running!

After the game, we went to 7-eleven to buy a drink. Guess what? I saw Wende whom I have not seen for more than a year. I kept staring at him for about 3 seconds because I thought I had recognized the wrong person and I did not expect to see him. Ha ha. I think I should have reacted better by walking up to him instead of staring at him to expect something to happen. I guess this is a typical Chu Er. = p

After which, we went back to the BBQ pit, chatted and played a game called “polar bear game”. Not too bad.

Lastly, we finally had our BBQ. =D Food, food and food! OH! Earlier on, Afiq commented that I eat a lot but never gotten fatter. Erm. A sign of jealousy. = p The food was quite nice and as usual, I was the one sitting and enjoying my food. = p Okay. I hope that people who read my blog will not invite me to any BBQ or else I would find myself doing all the cooking. NONO. Please don't as I am a lazy person.

We had a photo-taking before we left.

Guess what? We rushed to a friend’s house just to watch our all-time favourite 9 pm show, “The Little Nonya” because her house is just at Bedok. = D We are all so addicted to it. I even thought of telling my boss that I wanted to leave earlier just to catch this show.


I never regretted going especially having all the nice chats and laughs with the new-found friends and also my two lovely friends. Frankly speaking, I kind of dragged myself there because I was too lazy to travel to the east. =x

On our way home, Pei Yi and I kept counting the number of stops left to our home because we were so tired. = p

Infinity


Last evening, I went back to work at the tuition centre again. Actually, I am quite glad that there is still a vacancy for me as I only told my boss 2 weeks ago.

When I was on my way to work, I was actually grumbling a little because everyone else could relax and do whatever they want except for me (again). This holiday is a little different as my mobile phone is spoilt so I must try to work as many hours as I can so that I will have enough money to buy my mobile phone. Jia you to myself. = D On top of this, I must manage my time well between school work and friends too. = /

Anyway, I met new friends at work – which is actually not surprising at all. Ha ha. One of them actually thought that I worked at childcare centre before because I have the kind of quality. I shall take that as a compliment as I believe that childcare teachers are actually quite kind, nice and patient. = D ha ha ha. I say so. On our way home, she asked me the school I was in during my primary school days. The first thing I said was I doubt that you have ever heard of it. She urged me to tell her and so I did. Guess what? She knew my primary school! I would say that she is the first person whom I talked to knew it! = D

Guess what? All my new friends actually graduated from my secondary school! We were all very happy to know this because it is a fate. I am the youngest among all. By the way, they graduated in different years too.

Mentioning about the word “youngest”, it reminds me of last morning’s incident. My neighbour came to my house to chit-chat with my mum. As they were talking, she saw that I was reading my notes so my mum told her that I had a test later. Then, she pointed at my sis and said she thought that the elder one told me that she was having tests when I last met her. In the end, she thought that I was the younger one because I have the kiddy look. Ho ho ho. It made my day. I love people telling me that I look young. = p Opps! Will people stop telling me this once they read this paragraph? = /

Talking about looks, I think that I look ugly everyday. I feel that people around me or whom I know are getting better looking and I look uglier. I hate this feeling. Perhaps, I should participate in the extreme makeover programme to have an extreme makeover look. = /

I can feel that christmas is coming! I love it, I love it! = D



How sad it is know that nothing lasts forever. Now, I only hope that youthfulness lasts forever. = D Happiness? Not in my dictionary yet because it hardly happens. I wish that the encouragements and love I receive is infinity...

6 Lies and Truths

If I fail this exam, I won't make it in life.
Failure can refine you. Don't let it define you.

You need to be selfish in Life to get ahead. Don't share your notes. Don't help your friends.
Life is not about you. Being a kind, decent person will pay off in more ways than you think.

I am just not smart or talented enough.
Persistence, hard work, initiative will always outweight natural talent.

If I want to be rich and successful, I must be a doctor/ engineer/ architect/ banker.
Play to your natural strengths. Stick to the stuff you love. The money - and more- will follow.

I have no due what I want to do in life. I won't get very far because I have no ambition and no plan.
Finding what you want to do is usually a process of elimination. Just do whatever you are interested in.

I must get good grades to do well in life.
Good grades make things easier. Doors open faster. But they don't guarantee anything.

credit goes to Sis

Actually, I posted this on the 24th but was yet again not motivated to finish it till now. = /

If you have not heard or read about all these, I believe that you will find this very meaningful.
Even if you had, I am sure you will still find these meaningful.

Anyway, I often think that it is a great feeling to share your knowledge with others because I feel a sense of satisfaction and encouraged when people appreciate what I have taught or told them and also, it can recap my memory. It is very saddening to know that people find your “knowledge” is pure rubbish to them. Actually, I do read up on a lot of rubbish but they are very interesting to know because they may not be something which you can get in touch with in your everyday’s life. Seriously, I am still considering whether or not to take up teaching for my future career. Some people find it very funny when I told them this. =/

I am sure most people grow up in an environment where you are taught that you have to be somebody like a doctor, a lawyer, etc to call yourself a successful person. Define the word “successful” please. To me, to be successful is to have a happy family, with healthy living environment and to be a confident person and able to express myself well. Seriously or sadly, I still have a long, long way to go to achieve any of these. =/ So, what are my natural strengths? You guess?

Actually, I do know what I am interested in but I have no courage in putting them into actions. =(

I like the last one the most. Yes, who says that you have to be a top student to affirm that you will be a successful person in the future? There are cases where people who ranked at the bottom of their classes, are actually quite successful in the society now. What do you have to say about this?

Yet another weekend


It is a wonder to see how my weekend flies away so fast like nobody’s business that I can go *SCREAM*. Whenever I look at the clock, it is yet another hour gone! It is too scary.

Today, I decided to stay at home to accompany my sis with her revision. I think to her, it – me – is just another distraction because I tend to talk to her. =x Tomorrow will mark the end of her tedious revision period. Congrats! I envy her at the same time because I still have a long way to go. =’(

She showed me a chapter of her elementary mathematics ten-years-series and the handwriting on the first page attracted my attention. After verifying, it was indeed my handwriting. It was quite surprising to know that I actually taught her a bit of math for her ‘O’ level because her math should be better than mine. From the way she described to me of how I taught her that topic, I must be quite good at it but I seriously could not recall. =/

A few hours later, she took out her physics book and asked how she should go about memorizing a part. After looking at it for about 10 seconds or less, I asked, “Why not you remember it by “Raymond is very ultra extraordinary gay?”

R - Radio wave, M - microwaves, I – infrared, V - visible light, U - Ultra-violet, X - x-ray, G - Gamma

We laughed very hard at it but at least she remembers it. =D


Anyway, today is her birthday. If you believe in any religion, please add her in your prayers for her ‘A’ Level results as it will mean a lot to her. =) Happy birthday, Sis. Stay 18young always. Ho ho.




OMG. I will be joining the ‘2’ club soooon. Ah. Anyway, I have already looked like 20 so it makes no difference. =(

Reminiscing



Out of the blue, I thought of the school bag which I carried when I was still a primary school student. The thought was linked to the old Tiong Bahru Market where a part of my childhood memories lie. I suddenly thought of my late grandpa and the lor mee which I had whenever I visited him at the toilet which he was tending at. {Written a few days ago = p}

Today, I have made up my mind to complete this entry!

Seriously, I have forgotten what I wanted to write. Actually, I have already thought of it and even cried while thinking but I have really forgotten everything. =/ It is good in a way so this entry will not be so down.

A lot of things have been happening since my last entry. My life is not becoming better or worse but still the same. The only change is I am not expecting much from anyone, anything and even myself anymore because there is no point. It upsets myself the most with the undesirable result.

The strange thing is I feel so busy. I think the cause of it is because of the trial camp and actual camp which I attended. =/ Erm. No. I am not blaming anyone because I really enjoyed the camp especially talking with some people. Seriously, I never expected to see Marzuk on the actual camp so I was quite delighted to see him. He was still as nice as before. =D

Perhaps the trial camps and actual camp should be something which I will reminisce about too.

I am not sure what has gotten into me. I actually cried over the issue that I am so busy but I like it at the same time because I will have no time to think too much. Someone told me that Phlegmatic-Melancholy is a very bad mixture of personality which I agree because both are not too optimistic in nature. This is why I am often so pessimistic!

Anyway, I must and will reserve my holidays for some people because I have promised them so long ago that I will meet them but I have never. All thank to school assignments and many more things. =/

Ha. I seriously hope that I can make it this time. Perhaps I should reserve lesser time for him. =/


Anyway, talking about pessimistic, it reminds me of the “Managing your self-esteem” course which I took last week with Stel and Guo Wei. I think most people went to get CCA points but I truly wanted to know more. I took a test and not surprisingly, my score is the lowest.

I learnt that people around you – family, friends, society and even yourself – can affect you. To me, it really does. I really have no hope but to try my best. If running away can make me happier, I will do it. I just hope to feel that I exist because some people just do not appreciate what I have done. You know, I have come to a conclusion that even if you are kind but you are not that fun to be with, people will not really remember you and may not even want to get close to you unless they need your help. The problem with me is I find it difficult to express myself so people find it difficult to understand me.

Anyway, I have decided to be hard-hearted, I mean it this time. It really does not feel good to be scolded as stupid and useless especially when it is over a small matter. The fact is you are not flexible. An object/a tool can have more than one usage, ok? The worse is to throw away what I wanted to share. I mean it when I say I will not buy any more food for you. Enough is enough. Your pride cannot buy you anything but your concern and kind words can “buy” my love and concern for you. Sadly, you hardly even appreciate my tolerance for you.

With this aside, I have something funny yet meaningful to share with all the readers. If, you are being scolded that you are a failure. You should reply saying, “No. It’s just that I’ve not achieved my goal yet.” Ha ha


All right. I shall end my entry with meaningful phases:

“Just because no one has come along to share the life, it doesn’t mean that day isn’t coming.”

“Just because no one has made this race with you, it doesn’t give you permission to stop your race.”

“Just because no one has come to take the loneliness away, it doesn’t mean you have to settle for a lower quality of life.”

“Just because no one has shown up to love you at the level, it doesn’t mean you have to sink to theirs.”

“You deserve the very best there is, it doesn’t mean that life is always fair.”


Credit goes to Stel for helping me to note down all these because I cannot write fast. =x

Love you, Mean it by Patricia Carrington, Julia Collins, Claudia Gerbasi, Ann Haynes


This may sound like another novel to you but it is definitely not. Also, I have promised myself that I will not touch on novels for quite some time.

This book is written by these women who were widows caused by the 911 incident as their husbands had been killed.

How do you feel if one day you suddenly lost a love one without any warning or signal? I would say that I have been through this before. Even though that someone was not that close with me but he was surely someone whom I adored and respected so it affected me for quite some time too.

I really admired their courage for how they braved through that extremely tough period of time. I might not be as strong as them especially when it was that someone who was supposed to walk with me for the rest of my life passed on. However, through this journey, they realised a lot of things and did what they had always wanted to do which I thought it was a big discovery and surprise to them too.

It was indeed an inspiring book to me.

Deaf and dumb


Recently, I feel that I have serious hearing problem or is it a problem in my concentration? I keep hearing the wrong information!

Scenario 1
My law teacher was telling the class a story about a few people who got lost on an isolated island – well this is not the point. The point is, I seriously heard that he said that the Japanese man was being strangled by a man so I was patiently waiting for that point. When the story ended, I went “huh? I thought that the Japanese guy would be strangled?” This sentence confused most of them too. But, I seriously heard that. =x

Scenario 2
A teacher told us to do our draft work. I guess it was because a few asked if we still needed to return to class and she said to be back at 1 p.m. I heard that so when it was 1p.m., I asked some of them why didn’t they go back to class and they seemed to be confused by my words too.

Everyone knew and got the right information except for myself. =x GOSH. I must pay attention in class!



Today, a teacher told us that he helped us to do a statistic of our class GPA of all sort of information inclusive of our target GPA for this semester. As it is confidential information, so we had to ask him individually.

One part of the conversation is, he told me to speak up more because I am too quiet in class. (I know some people who read this may ask, “Are you sure” or “Are you kidding”? Yes, I am sure. No, I am not kidding. Ha ha.)

I told my mum about it then she said that he must have judged me wrongly. =x

So I said, it may seem that I pay attention in class so I keep quiet but in actual fact, I day-dream half of the time. = p

Well, sometimes, I dare not speak up even when I have something in mind because I have no confidence of what I am going to say. I am trying to gain my confidence but ironically, I keep losing it. If I do not speak, there is no way I am going to be wrong, isn’t it? I used to speak up for others and even myself when they or I got bullied by others by not now. I have lost so much confidence of myself that it is showing up so obviously to many others now.

Anyway, on a lighter note, a secondary school classmate just contacted me because we lost contact. We did not really talk ever since we were in different classes after sec 2. I am really glad that she remembers me and made the effort to search for my contact and all. =) I did not know that she kept thinking of me until she told me. Did I say that I am always afraid that people will forget me?



I am trying to be happy. Even if I can’t, let me laugh and smile like nobody’s business.

Last bit of holiday

My holiday is over? So soon? GOSH. I really do not want for the Nth time.
=(
I have managed to meet up for some friends but not all because I have been busy with work.
=(

Actually, I promised myself to let myself to have a good rest in this holiday but the thought of staying at home (equals to using long hours of computer equals to increment in electricity bill is something which I will feel guilty of), going out more (equals to spending money on food, clothes and transportation will make me feel guilty) and recession (equals to increment of lots of expenses equals to needing more money than usual) so I decided to work so to earn as much as I can. Worrying too much or thinking too far ahead? This is just me and I am the eldest child so I always believe that I should do my part to help my family instead of adding more burden = / In one word, I should be more independent. Actually, I want myself to be even more independent. You may not have to agree because it is just my thought. =)

One night, I could not get to sleep because the day after working for the F1 event, I slept for more than 12hours. =/ This is when I will start to think a lot and I had a serious thought about what I want to do. My future is now a joy if everything goes not too badly. =)

After this holiday, I learnt a lot about the outside world. I know that I must not be so gullible but wise. Some people just keep lying and all youI can do is to pretend not to know. I feel that if someone intends to hide something from you, what can you do? Nothing much. I will feel disappointed but try hard to be understanding. Well, I will definitely be more wary of the person. I just hope that I will not get over-sensitive.

Oh no. I think I am still as sensitive as before. *Shake head* I kind of give up on changing myself because I have done what I can. I know some people do give up on me and I am not really the prove-you-right type of person so it makes me lose hope too. Ha.

I want to do a lot of things but my work always pulls me back that I only have very little time. =( I think I am going to meet up more people in this or next month. Yes, I look forward to seeing them again.

Oh. I have decided that I want to be an extrovert in my next life – if there is – as I feel upset when I am being left out as sometimes I really do not know how to mix around with people. =/ Never mind. I am still trying hard to be an extrovert. Ha.


Sis, I am not sure if you read this but anyway, all the very best for your A level! Score many As! You have never let us down due to your studies so you should do well for this too. Let’s make it to university together! But, remember, even if you cannot, it does not matter because it is not the end of the world. Jia you! =)

Last novel? - Wish you were here – Mike Gayle



I guess this might be the last novel book which I will be reading because as I read, I find that it is meaningless. Beautiful stories can be created by anyone but I am still unsure if all these will happen in real life. May it happen on me. =D


It is a book about love and friendship and how 7 days in the sun can change your life forever.

This is the first romance book which does not involve much of the intimacy description which is more to my liking. (Ha Ha). Have you imagined how it feel like to be dumped by your other half who has been with you for 10 years and the worse is you are being betrayed by him/her? It is what the author had gone through. A close friend suggested a holiday for him and his other close friend which changed all their life entirely. I would say that this is not a bad book.

Chomp Chomp experience


I finally stepped into Chomp Chomp to have my meal today after hearing quite a number of people talking about it.

If you have not heard of it, it is basically like a hawker center which sells lots of delicious food like samba sotong, stingray, etc. YUM! It is a nice place for delicious food but not a nice place for hanging out.

Trust me that it is really bad to go there during dinner time because it is so difficult to look for a seat especially when you go with a group of people. Even if you are eating, people who have just arrived might stare at you because they want your seat!

I think his mum was rather lucky today because she managed to find a parking lot within 5minutes (as what she said) – earlier than those cars which arrived earlier than us and they were still waiting when we left to Chomp Chomp – and also, she found a seat for all 6 of us (her friend and her 2 children, him, her and myself) It is quite a waste that she does not buy 4D/Toto today or else she might have won. = D

After that, all of us smelt like Chomp Chomp. =/

Oh. I actually witnessed a scene of my past – I mean my past, not my past. Do you get what I mean?
If you ask me, I would definitely pity that child because I totally believe that we go through the same thing. It does not matter who is worse but we need freedom and respect –and trust me that I am still waiting for it.

F1 working experiences


I must say that the 3 days were filled with fun, laughter and tiredness.

Standing for at least 15 hours was really tough on us. Nevertheless, we still had to give our best smile and services to the guests. Did I tell you how lucky I was to be placed in the same suite called 'Club 21' as Stella on our 2nd and 3rd day? We were smiling at the news when we heard it as we could give morale support to each other. = D For all 3days, I was placed at the most expensive level – sky suite – where each ticket cost more than $6000. GOSH. Do you know how many hours of work I have to go through in order to earn that much? It is definitely hard earned money for me.

The 1st day was a little torture for me as a friend and I were being nagged by an aunty – a senior staff – through out. (I was smiling a lot when I saw him because I was quite worried that I would be alone. I mean I felt more secured with someone whom I know around.) Both of us really could not stand her at all.

For my 2nd and 3rd day, I was placed at a suite where it was filled with nice and friendly people. The manager was very nice to us. I really felt that he worked harder than us but he still asked us to take a break.

I think the main thing is the last day. We were rather fast with clearing so our manager actually asked us to help other suites to clear as well. Stella and I were rather unhappy at the fact that we were helping but the staffs in some suites were either celebrating or resting. We were forcedasked to stay till 1a.m. to move things and clean the pantry. It was the worst day of all three. I was and am quite relieved that I am not a guy because I heard that they only finished at 3.30 a.m. O.O You know, before all the guests left, I almost felt that I was dying. We were so tired especially with 3 hours of sleep or less everyday, with lousy food provided and having to stand for so long – poor feet.

The fun parts would be where we heard and saw all the F1 cars moving together. I am in love with the sound. We stoletook some food to try too. It was so heavenly nice.


OKAY. Some pictures to come along.




{Back row-left to right} Samantha - ambassador, Jeffrey, Johhny, JunMing, me, Stella, (Ambassador - Can't remember her name)
{Front row-left to right} Cherry, Jason (manager), Meng Meng





Western style - setting for High tea


We were very lucky as our suite was directly facing the starting point. =D


On the left.




The white chairs are for indoor whereas for the seats just outside of the glass door, you can totally enjoy the sound of the moving F1 cars except that it is solely for the guests in our suite.


Just below the audience seats.


Our eating place. A horrible eating place. Ha. (Tom and Cherry in the picture)


In the lift where it was usually for chefs as they had to carry heavy trays with food.


LASTLY, not forgeting my

single shot. Ha


P.S.: I must really thank Stella (hope that our friendship will become stronger and like what we had agreed upon, we must not take those "arguements" to heart. =) and Benjy or else I might not be able to enjoy all these, yea?

First try

My sis and I had our first try at Café Cartel yesterday which caused a big hole in my pocket. = /

If not that she is my sister, we have not gone out together for a long time, she had just finished her prelims and she would receive her results today, I really doubt that I would spend this much. Nevertheless, we enjoyed our meal there. I was so full even after 4 hours. Great. It shows that my money is well spent. Ha ha.

The waiter who served us was very shy but nice. It was our first time there so we were a little lost. We saw some people went to take the bread so we started to wonder if we could take. The best thing to have sis with me is that she would help me to ask instead of myself. There is a free flow of home-made bread which I quite liked it. =)

Someone told me that I have not posted any pictures on my blog for quite some time so I posted pictures of our experience at the cafe today. =)

Carbonara (With egg yolk on top and mushroom and ham/bacon)

I really liked this a lot because of the creamy taste. Thinking of it makes me drool. = p

St. Louis Pork Rib

The red piece is really pork rib. At first, it was quite tasty but later we got a little tired of it as it was really too big. Ha Ha. Not too bad, actually. It tasted sweet.



Me, me, me! = D




Sis.

Realisation for the Nth time


It felt not so good after having almost 12 hours of sleep because I felt more tired than before. It is like this when I am not motivated to do anything else. And so, after my breakfast, I lay down on my sis’s bed (as she was packing her room and I did not want to be alone) and flipped through a book called “For one more day” by Mitch Albom. It has been there ever since I borrowed from aunt on the 1st day of this year’s Chinese New Year – untouched till this noon.

After reading the whole book, it made me realise a lot of things of my life.
I often feel that your blood loved ones will always be there no matter what has happened to you (though it might not happen to me as of yet. I guess most importantly, I usually keep most of my unhappy moments from them because… I just could not bring myself to tell them and they usually think that everything is perfectly fine with me and some think that I will still be the happy-go-lucky and dreamy Chu Er. Oh well. I seriously do not have a great laugh for God-knows how long. Perhaps the best I could provide them is to allow them to have an illusion that I am perfectly fine. Sometimes, I am truly afraid when people ask, “How are you?”Yes, it is a question of concern but I often lie and say with a smile that I am fine. Part of me has always wanted to avoid being reminded of many, many unhappy events. I guess because I feel that at the end of the day, I still have to stand up and face up everything by myself. What I learn is no problems will go away by themselves unless something is done to it.)

What I need to do now – as what I have said for the Nth time – is to pick up my confidence from where I left it somewhere very long ago. I guess I am being too absent-minded as I have no idea where it is. I have problem looking for it.

Oh. The book says that I must allow people to reach to me in order for them to help me. True. But, what...?

I know that I am a bad person in many ways but I swear that I have a kind soul in me. I am still pushing myself to change to a better person but I can never be a perfect person. I am sorry.



P.S.: The book I read is no doubt a good book.
P/P/S: This is just an entry of reflection.

Finally


I think that today was a good start to solve some of the problems on hand. The unnecessary misunderstandings are cleared and I really feel much better.

I am seriously trying hard to better express myself because there are so many times where what I thought was different from what I said. I simply had no idea how to put my thoughts into words. As a result of this, I will feel very disappointed and frustrated with myself so I will start to keep quiet as I really cannot accept that simple thoughts cannot be put into words and when it also causes misunderstanding. Sometimes, I just keep too many things to myself that it accumulates to a big problem. Due to this, it pulls me down so much that I could not think properly and it causes me to hurt some people around me. (I am really sorry. I swear that I never have the intention to hurt anyone.)

Due to the lack of courage to solve the issues in the right way, I have been feeling very upset (and near to depression) for the past few months so I guess I have been rather quiet too because I just could not get myself to smile.

I seriously hope that both of us will get fine soon. I hope that we will not bear grudges against each other anymore because it really affects and hurts me in some ways which I believe you may feel the same way as I am.


Setting this aside, he said that if he had a blog, he would blog something stupid about me. Well, I shall do it on behalf of him.

On Sunday, he called me after work as he wanted to meet me so to go home together since he had just knocked off from work too.

He: “I meet you at the Starbucks, ok?”
Me: “Huh? Where is it? I don’t know what you are talking about. I meet you at the Starbucks. You know that one near to the MRT station? Ya. That one.”
He: “Yes. I meet you at the Starbucks.” (He was referring to what I was talking about.)
Me: “I really don’t know what you are talking about. I cannot hear you. I meet you at the Starbucks near to the MRT station, ok?” (Should imagine how confused I was.)
He: “Yes, I am referring to that one. What do you think I am talking about?”

I felt that it was quite funny. HA HA.


Due to the many issues, I have to admit that I cannot stay at home for too long. There were 2 days where I stayed at home and my mood got worse because I kept thinking. I should not be alone for the time being and should be occupied with something. I just do not want to get into depression because I will keep thinking of giving up everything inclusive of my life. So bad, eh?


I must thank the 2 people who have been hearing so much about me and I shall not mention names here because it seems that every little small thing can lead to misunderstanding which I cannot afford to deal with now. You are loved by Chu Er. =)

Rules

I just want to write down something from my heart. I feel that a lot of rules are set by ourselves; we need not abide by those rules. Recently, I have been trying to convince myself that someone who is faithful and nice to you does not necessarily have to act according to this and that – which are all according to YOUR standard. I read it from somewhere that no one owes you a living and no one is obligated to do this and that for you. Yes, so I am trying hard to be independent because I am truly disappointed by a lot of incidents that I totally give up. I am just trying hard to pretend that everything is going normal and that I am fine. I am not, I am never fine.

Tell me how. I always swear to myself that I am not going to help this and that person anymore because whenever I need help, he/she just walked out on me. I always tell myself that I must learn to be hard-hearted but I really cannot bring myself to see others being helpless because I know how helpless you can be when no help is given to you.

Hey, there are times when it is based on facts but not that I am thinking too much so stop saying that I am thinking too much because it really hurts me a lot. Why does it seem that when others are voicing their views are not thinking too much but me? I have my own (human) rights too. I am so used to people saying this to me that I often say, "Okay, perhaps I am thinking too much." before them.

I am going to be more independent than before even though I still tear a lot. Why does it seem that my mood is not getting any better at all? I am seriously helpless. Call me a weakling please.


P.S.: The next few entries should not be any happier so if you dislike reading something of this, quit coming to my blog.

极限

有时，生活中的大大小小的是仿佛是要告诉我；如果一切没希望时，我应该放弃。

要勇气，我没有因为它早已被吓走了。
要自性，我没有因为它早已被摧毁了。

我真的不知所措了。你能带着我和你一起走吗？

我好孤独寂寞，不想再一个人承担，不想再一个人自己走了。

我只想要逃避一切因为我就是没想像中的那麽坚强。

Better luck


I realise that I can hate having holidays. This is only the 2nd day of my holiday and I have already found it so boring – just simply cannot stand having it at all. The worse is I am not really allowed to go out and not allowed to use my computer for the whole day and I am not a TV fan so I am not going to stick my ass on my sofa to watch it. ROAR. So, tell me, what is left for me to do? Oh. If mum heard this, she is going to say, “I don’t see you doing housework”. GOSH. I am trying all means and ways to run away from it. Stel and I are having been complaining to each other already. We will be going for a shopping tomorrow and shop for nice tops! But, how do I convince the top management of my house? I shall use my top workable method to talk to him – usually workable but not workable all the time. I seriously hate to be controlled. I am not a super nerdy kid who prefers to stay at home. It is never me. = ( And, I am still bothering over some issues too. What should I do? *shaking head*

Ah. I shall try my luck tomorrow.

More than just freedom

Should I announce that it feels great to have my freedom back once again after a few months of working like bees?

On top of my precious teeny weenie time to do what I am supposed to do, I have been thinking a lot – constructive thoughts.

Actually, I knew that I have been pushing myself a lot in a lot of areas like character building and many other areas which totally drain me out – mentally drained. Someone pointed out that I am being too critical of myself – which I should know but never wanted to admit. I never thought I was doing fine – not extremely well but fine – for my presentation. I actually thought that I did badly that I broke down right after it - accumulating. I was being very disappointed with myself and also, I thought that I was going pull the grade of my group down again. I am not sure why but whenever people smile or even not smile at me during presentation, I would always feel that I did badly again. I know this is ridiculous but I just get worried easily. Through many things from the past few months, I realise that I am someone who needs hell lot of assurance and encourages – not praises – that I am doing just fine or else I would start working doubly hard than usual – this is when I will start to feel very stressed out which I might not show it at all but I am really stressed, in fear and cracking my brain for better solutions. I might just slow things down when I feel that I am not doing the right thing at all, that is, whatever I do, seems to be wrong and I will not feel motivated to do anything.

There were times when I picked up my courage and voiced out my thoughts but they never seemed to be heard –ah. I learnt from my law module that one of the rules of acceptance is silence is not sufficient. This is when I felt that I am a nobody and I will start to get very depressed and helpless and I will try very hard to pretend that nothing has happened. I might just stay silent forever since then.

There are certain things which I thought (and requested) it should not occur due the foreseen unwanted consequences but it did, exactly like what I have foreseen. I was too weak to stop anything anymore. I am totally helpless as to how I should remedy the matter. I just hope that it would be better.

I am sorry. I am more than just weak but it does not just happen to me...

Reflective self

Recently, I have been in a very grumpy mood. For most part of a day, I could keep rumbling on to myself. = (

I wish to stop for a moment to take a deep breath before moving on. I know it is impossible now. So, I have tried to make a few promises to myself:

NO emo-ing
NO unconstructive use of time like surfing net
NO thinking too much
NO day-dreaming

When you are being asked who the most important person is in your life, have you thought of who will immediately appear in your mind?

For me, it has been the same for most of my life. Although she may be demanding and unreasonable at times and can make me feel very hurt, disappointed and angry, she will always be that important in my life, I guess. I think she has done a lot for me that I feel that she could be my emotional support and give me a sense of assurance that I would be fine at times.

I always believe and feel that actions speak louder than words. Yes, I can be so touched, happy and glad at that instant if you were to say something nice to me. However, if you do not do anything to prove so, the magical feelings would be gone and I might even lose trust and confidence in you. Through the years, I am thankful, really very thankful for everything which she has done for me.

You know, I really hardly feel so worried for anything other than thinking a lot at times but I really feel so worried for her results now that I wish to give her all my luck so that she can excel in it. I always feel that her future is more important than mine. I guess the least I could do is to talk to her, let her vent her anger on me and encourage her.

I guess you might not read this but deep in my heart, I always hope and wish for the best for you. Never give up even until the last minute. Remember that you have me.

P.S. : I think I will not be posting any entry for 2 months.

Handover ceremony


Lately, I have learnt how to be late. People who know me personally will know that I am a very, very time conscious person. Actually I wanted to be on time but someone reminded me to be late so I was late for half an hour. I was feeling guilty while I was walking to school. Upon reaching there, my guiltiness was gone and turned into regretful because I realised that I could have reached there even later. = / I swear that I have not changed at all. To me, it is one of my strengths so why should I have changed? I will be on time if I have to i.e. people to respect me and not to be late too.

At first, I was a little worried and therefore wondered whom I could sit with. But, to my relief, I saw Paula and Ervin. So, obviously, I sat with them. = D I had a good time talking with them that I was reluctant to leave my seat for some briefing for my duty later. = x

My duty was to be a prize presenter which I have not done before. I think it was rather fine. = )

Anyway, I think that today’s scene was a little sad that it made me feel emotional and felt like crying especially when I was watching the video. Chu Er was brave enough because she held her tears back. = D I seriously think that I am not suitable to attend this kind of event because I always feel like crying! = (

After which, I had a chat with some of the seniors. Like one of them mentioned, time passed by real fast. I was in Year one while he was in Year two when I knew him and he was in my first mentoring camp group – Beaubexton! It is so unbelievable. Well, I knew some of them through that camp too and they have already graduated! I am already missing some of them especially during mentoring camps and outings. = ( I guess because I feel so attached to them. Hope to see them soon. =)


In the evening when I was having my dinner, I saw an incident which instantly reminded me of some heartbreaking incidents and felt like crying too.

Someone’s crying immediately caught my attention followed by a woman’s loud and stern voice so I turned around to have a look. Then, I realised it was a mother beating her child. I overheard her saying something like I told you not to sit on the floor or something. In any way, I think it was a minor mistake and really, the way she hit and treated her child was like he had done a grave mistake. That scene definitely attracted the attention of a lot of people. I know it surely felt very sad, angry and embarrassing to get hit in the public like that. Isn’t her child her product of love? Why is she treating him like that? I really do not understand some parents at all. Why are they like this? WHY? Are they crazy, forgetful or what?

I swear that I would not treat my child/children like how she did if I ever had any.


I wish that I will never be reminded of those dreadful incidents again, can I?

Sisterly


2 weeks ago, my sister went to overseas for her band competition.

Before she left, she said this to me, “You must be quite happy that I will be leaving, right? No one will scold or nag at you.”

HA HA HA.

You see, she admits this herself that she always scolds or nags at me. It is so lucky of her to have an elder sister like me, right? Where can you find such a good sister? RIGHT HERE!

Ok. I should stop this before any one throws rotten eggs at me.


This morning, we were STILL talking about why she bought so little things. Okay. She was only given 45minutes to shop.


She said, “I think if it was you, you would have bought NOTHING at all and with all the cheap stuffs home even if you did!”

HA HA HA. How true.


She knows how indecisive I am and how stingy I am. = p

I only dare to do this to her.

My shopping style: Looking at item A and thinking whether I should buy but not too sure so I would walk to another shop. At another shop, looking at item B and thinking whether I should buy but not too sure so I would walk to another shop. Looking at item C at another shop but not too sure and suddenly thought that item A was better so I walked back. When I saw item A, I thought that item B was better so I walked there. And again, I thought item A was better so I walked back again.

This is how indecisive I am. = (


Without her at home is indeed better but a little bored. = / Wonder how she will react to this comment if she were to read this. = p



Sis.Mummy.Me

Eee..I look ugly here. = ( Actually, I am really taller than them. I think I will naturally stand that way when people are shorter than me.

A filming day


On last Sunday (1st June), we - except for Adeline as she was not feeling well - went for our filming. Despite of the serious work, we had a really fun time! : D

Upon reaching Changi, Afiq and Shalini excitedly went to look for the famous Nasi Lemak. However, there were 3 stalls altogether so they had to randomly pick one.

It was really an eye-opening experience for us.

We actually rented a bicycle each – which was paid by the exceptionally nice Afiq – to travel around. Afiq and Shalini were very nice as they actually stopped a lot of times to wait for me as I was afraid of riding down the slope for I scared that I might fly off. = x

There were times where we were not allowed to film certain places. There was a place where we heard the barking of the dog(s) when we were still a distance away from the house and the owner came out. So, we quickly rode off in case he let off his dog(s).


Some pictures and funny videos to enjoy!


End of trip.




The 3 of us



Shalini and Me


Afiq and Shalini


Afiq and Me



The rest of the pictures are on the ferry



Shalini




Emo me. = x



On the ferry




You have to listen to what Afiq said. Crazy him. = x The passengers were laughing at him too. -_-


He fooled Shalini and I. = (



The cycling time! : D

DBIT Bonding Day video CUM thoughts






This video clip is part of our skit which will be credited to Christopher from DBIT 1A/21. = ) Enjoy! : D



Actually, I am quite glad that I did not really have a weird accent in my presentation – perhaps, I might be the only one who thinks so but I am still trying very hard to work on my pronunciation – and did not behave like I was nervous. = D

Let me do a short introduction of this skit, ok? = )

My FYP group members and I are known as “Fast4Ward” and we were selected to promote our specialization to the current Year 1 students of Business Info-Technology. So, this is the reason why we were there for.



I realised that wariness between human being can be so scary. Because you are not me and have not been through what I been through, so you might never understand why I dread and fear of competition. If you happen to think that I am your competitor, please shake that idea of yours off and I will gracefully let you win. I just want some peacefulness. No arguments. No competition.

Because I have been myself for more than 19 years, so I guess I know myself better than anyone else does. What I want to say is; I know that sometimes I do speak without any sensibility which I am trying hard to change too. I am also trying hard to learn not to be so sensitive and not take others’ words too hard which I strongly believe that I have improved a lot compared to the past. I am only human, not an angel, not a God, therefore, I can never be perfect. I can only try this hard and the rest is up to you to accept me for what I am and give me more time.

Because you are not me, you will never know how hard I am trying.
Because you are not me, you will never know how determined I am to change myself to be a better person.
Because you are not me, you will never know how little confident I have of myself.
And now, you know.


If to live is so hard, why are we still trying so hard to live?

Journey to the WestEast



As I have not been to Terminal 3 yet so someone nice volunteered to bring me there. = D

Anyway, the Budget Terminal is really quite ‘budget’. Ha ha

Then, we went to the very crowded Expo Food Fair. For me, I was quite unsure of where I was heading to and was basically pulling someone’s bag. Sounds like I am a dog. = ( We did not see much “special” food i.e. something which we hardly/never see before. We tried some samples here and there and walked off. Ha ha. Typical Singaporean. = / But, of course, we bought some food too. =)

Lastly, we went to someone’s hometown which is Si Mei to try the dessert which was damn nice. =D


This entry is quite a disappointment, eh? I just want blog something out but not too sure of what to say. = /


Basically, we had a lot of fun today. For me, it was as if I was having my holiday and getting to know places of Singapore. So, it was a fruitful day to me. =)




From my position, you could see that I was quite bored that I lied on my bed waiting for 2 p.m.




Tada~ Changed into this! Manly style? o.O



If my memory does not fail me, it is called "Mango Paradse" Yummy! Especially great for the weather now and if you are a mango lover. = )



The straw heart = )



The one and only perfume in Singapore which is called "My Fair Lady". That someone said it suits me because my skin colour is fair. Ha ha.



Thanks for everything! = D

Gala & Dedication Dinner photos + randomness




It has been almost a month after this dinner and only then I decided to upload some photos. = p

(I will not put all or else it can get a little boring.)

Pei Yi and my first table!

Lethargic

I feel so, so lethargic when writing this entry but I still insist on writing one as I have already neglected my blog for slightly more than 2 weeks. = /

The past 2 weeks were quite hectic to me and many other year 3 students. (Can I say that it is especially so for my FYP group because we were supposed to do something more compared to other groups?)


I had my last mentoring Freshmen Orientation Camp – sounds sad - where I met more friends. = D Some campers really thought that I was someone who wanted to join mentoring club so I joined the camp. One of them thought that I was very outgoing and sociable because it seemed that I just talked to anyone when the fact is I have already known them because I am already in mentoring club. = p Before the camp, I was a little hesitant and regretted signing up as a camper again since I am already so old as in I am a 3rd year student unlike most who are still in year 1 or 2. After which, I felt really great as a camper because of the amazing race and night walk. For the night walk, once again, I screamed like someone was raping me – sounds too exaggerating = p. No matter what, I felt great about screaming through the walk. = D Oh ya! My nickname during the camp is "chu chu train". So cute right - I mean the name, duh!


After the camp, it seems that life will be going very; very fast i.e. I will be graduating real soon. The thought of that is really very scary because I am not prepared for the society. You will feel so alone. The colleagues are hardly your friends to begin with. The kindest people may not be that nice too. This is what I think after my ITP. *Shrug*

Photos of the camp - I only own a few

"One Piece" - not all members are here though.

Top (From left):Sam and Shu Zhen

Bottom (From left): Xiang Ting, Maslina and Me

"Lone Piece" - combined group of group 7 & 8. We rock!

Yaya and Me. She is very cute especially when she jumps! = D

Me and Nazurah - I bet I spelt her name wrongly - bleh. Anyway, I think she is a very nice lady= ) (I think I look nerdy over here because of my hair = [ )

Know What? I have decided to take a photo/some photos with someone during the graduation dinner but we are not even friends. Well, there is always the first time so I shall do that. Frankly speaking, I always call him ‘potato’ because he is really a “potato”. Get what I mean? Meaning, he is an English speaking person! Most importantly, how do I pronounce his name? = p It is really very embarrassing because I often change people’s name. Usually, it is because I pronounced it wrongly or I mixed that person up with another person! Sometimes, I just got my sis so pissed off because actually the 2 persons whom I mixed up with are so different so there should not be any reason for me to mix up but I am just like this. = / Oh ya. I just could not stop smiling whenever he walks past me – yes, both of us are business students but of different courses and will be graduating from different schools. Sigh. Ah. My course is under 2 schools.


Lastly, the Great Singapore Sales is coming from 23rd May to 20th July. I hope and need to buy some items like a pair of spectacles because my eyesight is getting worse. = ( I do own one but it is as good as not having one because it is ugly and does not really help me to see better. I really hope to buy at least a nice and unique top because I keep wearing the same ones. And, I hope to get a good headphone (at least $50 kind) when I have the money. Money is always the issue. = ( Sigh~

Candid shots by a nice classmate - Ok, nice classmate. = p

You see, if my classmates were looking in front, obviously, I was not paying attention in class but in my own world again. This is my usual sitting position. = p

I think I was really doing serious work over here. = D

Oh ya. Lately, I feel that my taste for things have been changing. Now, I start to like flowers - meaning having more reaction towards flowers - and I prefer music which is not that sad - but still having sad elements in the songs - and with some instruments - which will be more on guitar. Sounds amazing, eh? = D

P.S. When I am tired, I really talk rubbish so please pardon me for any absurd comments. = )

Dear teacher


Today, it marked the end of the 3 months journey of my work at the tuition centre.

Frankly speaking, I feel more relieved than reluctant to leave. Many times during work, I thought of school – people playing in school. I wonder why. I think it is because I found it too tiring to work on too many things and not leading the carefree life I truly want. I am only human.

Through these 3 months, I really learnt a lot of myself, from the kids, the teachers (we are regarded as teachers over there) and from the work itself.

I am still considering real hard of what I want to do. An air-stewardess is what I really want to be but the price which I have to pay is relatively high. Worse of all, many people will be quite worried for me and I hate it. I just hate it when people pay too much attention on me. Ha. Okay. Getting back to the topic on what I want to do.

Through this job, I think I can be quite suitable to be a teacher because I can be very patient towards kids. Not self-praising! If you ask again, it is due to many unhappy and fearful events I had which result to where and how I am. Resulting to me having lots of patience for kids and be very nice to them because I want them to be loved. I think they should deserve it. I even vow to myself to be a good mother if I am going to be one. =)

The biggest problem is I find it very, very hard to express what I want to say so it makes me think twice, thrice to consider it again. I am just a very bad speaker. I really try very hard to improve.

I know that sometimes I try too hard, do I?

I know that I can be very ignorant at times but I am still learning. Lately, I have been telling myself not to take all the comments to heart. I mean if you look at me in this way, there is nothing I can do about it unless I am really like what is being mentioned. I am supposed to learn to be a happy person. ^-^

Nice pictures...


A sweet and nice mousepad from a student's mother when she knew that I would be leaving. That moment, I was so touched. A smile from the bottom of my heart instantly appeared without failed, of course. =) What touched me more is the the message in that card which states, "Dear Teacher, With best wishes..."

The Saturday staffs. Backrow from left: Su Zhen, Zahirah - my kindergarten, primary and secondary school mate, myself, F. Front row from left: Ai Ni, Melissa - the manger, Jack - the manager

Ai Ni and myself. It was the last day I saw her.


My weekday gang. = p Vivian, myself, Saranyya, Keenthani.

me and Saranyya

Smiling; a sign to tell oneself that everything is going to be okay.
Laughing; a sign to tell oneself that all the bad events are going to be forgotten.

微笑；是要告诉自己明天会更好。
哈哈大笑；是要告诉自己不开心的很快就过去。

(extracted from Chu Er's dictionary)

Certain memories are just like a scar which will be there as long as you live and it slowly appears vividly. It is something to reminisce about when you look at it and it can be a wonderful feeling at the same time.

Weirdy weirdy



One week has passed which is so fast.


On the first day of school, I still thought that I was going for ITP! (I know it sounds ridiculous but I am just like this. =/) I thought that I could get out of the house at 8a.m. even though I kept telling myself that the first lesson will start at 8a.m. This is because sometimes I got out of the house at 8.a.m. for my ITP. Luckily, I woke myself up in time or else I would really get out of my house at 8a.m. In the end, I had to pack my breakfast for my break. =/



I had a chat with a friend regarding the other half. (We were just talking about random topic.) I have no idea how true it is but she said that the looks of you and your other half should balance up, i.e. if you are an average-looker, your other half should be almost the same.

(Eh. I suddenly thought of what the female intern student (M) and I said to our Mr. Boss – our supervisor during ITP. It WAS really so funny. I thought I was bad enough but...Ha.

He announced to the people sitting around him that he was being invited to be his friend's bestman and it falls on the day before this birthday. You may feel that it is an honor to be one but it is not exactly nice if you know what I mean.

I was being very straight-forward by saying, “Hey, it means that you are not very good looking” and started laughing out loud. = p (Okay, I know I am so bad but he is not that bad looking, really. Happy?) Then, M said, “That is good” in an innocent manner. I replied saying that it is not at all. I think she then replied something like it means that he is not good looking. The way she said it made me laugh even louder. Trust me that she is not a sarcastic person. Perhaps, it is because our Mr. Boss often called her as little boy. No wonder!)


Dear Dad and Mum, why didn’t you give me an innocent face? =(



I know you may think that it is not wise to ask how it feels like to give birth but I am just curious. I seriously do not think that I will be a mother. Well, I will know the answer one day.



I was telling story to a student and in the end, a manager of the tuition centre, a colleague and other parents laughed at me. -_- I was just trying my best to make the story interesting. *shrug* Obviously, I was over exaggerating when I was telling the story. Ha ha ha.


Today, I had another last time in this month. Another one is coming along.


Oh! I am pleasantly surprised that I finally had the courage to eat those chocolates. Whee~
You may tell me to give you those chocolates since I needed that much courage. If you were me, you would know how much those mean to me.


You know what 1 crazy thing I did on Friday? As I was walking, a bus which drove past me, had an advertisement of N. H. (I do not think it is convenient to write his name here but you can ask me on tagboard = p) I started smiling to myself which I have no idea why. IF I can see him again, I swear that I will take a photo with him. If not...

He is the first man who made me scream aloud! =D



You sound serious but...